


Where Do We Go From Here

by Sweetgirl2019



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Fix-It, Getting Back Together, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-02-04 12:35:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18604651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetgirl2019/pseuds/Sweetgirl2019
Summary: After that terrible ending, how do Michael and Alex move forward? This is their way back to each other.





	1. ONE

**Author's Note:**

> So I hated the finale. Really hated it. I was very angry for so many reasons (Max dying, Michael going to Maria, M&M kissing, Alex waiting sad and alone outside the trailer). I probably hated Alex waiting alone while Michael chose Maria the most. And that guitar scene. It was beautiful for Michael after 10 long years but that was a sacred Malex moment, another that they gave to Maria. Honestly, I loved her character in the first half of the season, but the last few episodes, the jury's out. Not the best writing. I never understood the sudden deep feelings she had for Michael (or his for her) and the fact that she chose to kiss a guy she had 10 years to hook up with over a friendship with someone we have seen has been there for her, it just really bothers me. I will also never understand how any of this was the showrunner's idea of a happy ending without knowing if it was getting renewed. But my bitterness somewhat eased knowing the show is getting a season 2. Not looking forward to Alex finding out why he got stood up or the eventual M&M romance that will probably last most of the season. They did invest time in it so I don't see it fizzling out in episode 1 as much as I would like that to happen. Either way, didn't really like the finale. Rosa was a cool surprise and I enjoyed Kyle. Oh, and Alex in a black leather jacket? YES PLEASE! OH, and for the purpose of this story, I am pretending that the Maria & Liz conversation didn't happen and that Liz & Alex are really close.

 

********

 

                Numbness. That’s all Liz felt as she stood amongst the funeral party, staring at the closed coffin with Max inside. Five days ago, they had finally consummated their relationship and what she had felt for Max was indescribable. She had loved him, so completely, in that moment. Seeing her sister now, standing in his place, broke her in the worst possible way. Everything Max had done, he had done for her happiness and he paid that with his life.

                Lifting her head to the crowd around her, she watched as people started filling in the seats surrounding the coffin. Max’s parents were seated in the center, heads bowed with silent tears. Isobel stood next to her mother, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. Michael stood on her side, arm wrapped around her shoulders, his own tears welled in his eyes. Beside him was Maria, clinging to his arm. She frowned at the two for a moment, unsure what to make of them.

                When she had learned that Michael was Alex’s ‘Museum Guy’, her heart soared at the thought of them together. She had known and loved Alex as a brother all her life and although she knew there were many things about his traumatic past he had kept hidden, she knew enough to wish him all the happiness in the world. No one deserved it more, in her eyes. Getting to know Michael the past several months, she could see his cowboy swagger was a mask for the pain and vulnerability he kept buried inside. Alex and Michael, together, felt like destiny in her mind. Looking at Maria, hanging onto Michael, she couldn’t make sense of where it all went wrong. She loved Maria. They were best friends. But after Max had died, five days had passed and Maria had kept her distance. Looking at her best friend now, it hurt to settle on.

                Glancing to her left, she saw Rosa crying into her hands. She had missed her sister so terribly for ten years and seeing her alive, breathing beside her, Liz was still stunned. It was all so bittersweet, knowing she had gained her sister back but at the cost of her truest love. Beside Rosa was Kyle and as odd as it had been that she and her ex shared a sister, it made sense in a way too. She and Kyle had never been destined for great love, but they had always been family.

                Looking forward again, her heart longed for the one person she desperately needed at her side. She and Alex had lost touch over the years, with him at war and her ambition taking her far away but being back in Roswell together again had reignited the familial love between them. He was one of the closest people in her life but looking at Michael and Maria across the grounds, she understood his absence.

                Feeling a new round of tears starting to form, Liz looked down as the Minister began his sermon. She couldn’t bring herself to listen to the words. All she could think of was Max’s touch, of his kiss and his smile. Lost in the sadness of her mind, she didn’t notice Alex quietly approaching the funeral from the side.

                Michael was the first to notice him. Snapping his gaze up, he watched as the other man, dressed in black from head to toe, made his way forward with his gaze cast down. He felt Maria tighten her hold on his arm and in that one moment, he hated his decision more than any he had ever done. His tears fell silently down his cheeks as he watched Alex ignore their side of the crowd and make his way past Arturo towards Liz.

                “Hi honey,” he greeted.

                The moment Liz looked up in recognition, she all but fell forward into his embrace, a desperate sob escaping her. Alex wrapped his arms around her, gently rubbing one hand up and down her back in soothing circles.

                “I’m so sorry,” he whispered into her ear.

                Liz closed her eyes and locked her arms tight around his waist, his embrace the first true comfort she had felt in five days. Alex moved them so they were facing the rest of the funeral party, but to Michael’s anguish, he kept his eyes firmly away from their end and looked towards a grieving Rosa. They’d known each other through Liz when they were younger and had even started their own friendship towards the end. Opening his arms, he gave her an encouraging smile and Rosa all but melted in his hold, tucking herself beside her sister. Alex tried his best to sooth them as the Minister spoke before looking up to meet Kyle’s eyes. He motioned him over and although their familial bond was fairly new, Kyle stepped in behind Rosa and wrapped his arm around both girls. The four stayed wrapped up around each other as the funeral continued, the only sound coming from the Minister’s quiet voice amongst the crowd.

                “Liz, it’s time for the roses,” Alex whispered, leaning back to catch her gaze.

                She pulled her red eyes away from his chest and nodded. Alex released his hold from both sisters before wiping the tears from Liz’s face.

                “Come on, we can do this,” he encouraged, his voice gentle.

                She took a deep breath before clasping his hand in hers, desperate to keep her only lifeline close by. They watched as Max’s parents made their way towards the coffin, dropping two white roses on the casket. Isobel followed, her hand shaking as she placed her own rose down. Alex kept his gaze lowered as Michael made his way up. He felt Michael’s eyes on him as he stopped in front of the casket, pausing for several seconds before Maria’s voice urged him to move on. Alex released the breath he had been holding and looked down at Liz with a soft smile. She held his gaze for several seconds before they made their way towards the casket. Each taking their own rose, they lowered the flowers over the rest.

                “Goodbye Max,” she whispered, her voice breaking on his name.

                When they stepped back to their spot, Liz turned her face back against his chest. Once the last rose had been placed and the casket had been lowered, Mr. Evans announced the reception at Isobel’s house. Wiping her tears, Liz pulled away and looked up to see Michael hesitating before Maria gently pulled him away. She sighed and turned to Alex who had his hands tucked in his pockets, waiting for her to join him towards his truck.

                They drove back to Isobel’s with Kyle and Rosa, her father getting a ride with Kyle’s mom as they untangled their own messy drama. The house was large, with five bedrooms on the second floor, and a beautiful terrace out back. Although Noah was long gone, his memory still lingered in the house but Isobel had refused to lose her home on top of everything else. His belongings had been donated to charity with every last memory of his existence being cleared out.

                Seeing all the people gathered around them, Liz looked towards the stairs and extended her hand to Alex. They climbed to the second floor and walked to one of the guest bedrooms.

                “Why don’t you get some rest?” he offered, helping her lay down on the covers.

                She looked up at him, sad and lost, her eyes begging him to stay. He smiled and removed his shoes before climbing onto the bed beside her. Liz gave him a small smile in thanks and moved until her head was pillowed on his chest, sighing when she felt the comfort of his arms wrap around her once more.

                “Tell me what you need. Anything,” he spoke quietly.

                “Just this,” she whispered back. “Thank you for coming today, Alex. I know it wasn’t easy.”

                He pulled back to meet her gaze. “None of that matters right now.”

                She smiled gratefully and lowered her head back down. Seconds passed before Rosa poked her head in from the doorway.

                “You guys look comfy.”

                “He was always a comfy pillow,” Liz replied, extending her hand to her sister.

                Grateful for the gesture, Rosa moved onto the bed and cuddled up beside her.

                “Should I be jealous?”

                Alex looked to the door to see Kyle watching them with a smile. After his showdown with Alex’s dad, the two had found themselves growing even closer than before.

                “Always room for one more,” Rosa mumbled.

                Kyle took the invitation and climbed on Alex’s empty side. Cuddling in close, he threw an arm around Alex’s waist and closed his eyes.

                “Kyle?” Alex asked, startled by the sudden intimacy.

                As close as they were gradually becoming, with Alex slowly starting to forgive Kyle for all the suffering he had caused in high school, the unexpected familiarity was almost too much.

                “Just go with it, Manes. Please?”

                Deflating at his words, Alex relaxed on the bed and closed his own eyes, oblivious to the happenings downstairs.

                Taking a deep breath from her spot in the kitchen, Isobel turned to see Michael walking through the front door with Maria close behind. Even with the ache inside her heart and the tears that continued to fall, she could still find it in her to roll her eyes. Despite her and Maria not being friends, she knew the other woman had spunk. Their barbed exchanges at the Wild Pony were evidence of that. But when she had spoken with Michael before everything had gone wrong, when she had told him to stop living in the past, she had never meant for him to shack up with De Luca. She had thought her advice would lead Michael to reconnect with Alex and work on a new future. Instead, for the past five days, everywhere Michael went, Maria followed.

                She watched as he pulled himself away from her grasp to walk into the kitchen, scooping Isobel up into his arms when he reached her. Clinging onto him tightly, she allowed herself a moment of comfort. Max was gone and in his place, nineteen year old Rosa Ortecho was left behind. Explaining the truth about aliens and Rosa’s sudden appearance to Arturo had been a job no one wanted. But with Liz sidelined from her heartbreak, Alex had stepped up to the task. She respected him for that.

                “How are you feeling?” Michael asked as he pulled away.

                “I don’t think the pain will ever go away,” she replied, wiping her tears. “How about you? De Luca’s got you on a leash.”

                “Isobel, don’t,” he pleaded.

                “Why not? I desperately need to get my mind off of Max for a moment and you’re the first thing I thought of,” she replied. “What are you doing, Michael?”

                He sighed and leaned against the counter.

                “I thought you said you loved Alex?”

                “I do!” he insisted quietly.

                “Then why are you with Maria?”

                “I wanted something fresh; something uncomplicated,” he said and looked away.

                “That doesn’t sound like you love her,” she said, crossing her arms at her chest.

                “I could,” he argued weakly.

                She regarded him for a long moment. “Maybe you can but look me in the eyes and tell me what you feel for her or what you could feel for her compares to that love you’ve held for Alex the past ten years.”

                He looked down before replying. “Nothing can compare with that.”

                “Then what are you _doing_ , Michael? Why are you not with _him_?”

                “I stood him up at the Airstream,” he said, his guilt bleeding through the words. “He came to me that night before, started saying all these things, but then I felt Max and Noah and I had to go. I told him to come back the next day and I left.”

                She raised her brow, urging him to continue.

                “Max healed my hand and I was just all over the place. I went to the bar because Maria has a guitar and I wanted to play, you know? Then she kissed me and it just felt easy being with her.”

                “So the man you’ve been secretly praying would stop walking away, you left him waiting outside your trailer while you hooked up with his best friend?” she asked and scoffed. “That’s pretty low, Michael, even for you.”

                “I didn’t even think about it.”

                “That makes it worse,” Isobel pointed out.

                “I know!” he exclaimed, rubbing his tired face. “I screwed up, I know I did. Now he won’t even look at me and it’s killing me, Iz. But with everything that happened with Max and with my mom before that, I just…I’m so tired of all the pain.”

                She reached out to touch his arm, smiling sadly.

                “I have nothing against De Luca. To be honest, I even had a bit of a crush on her once upon a time,” she chuckled, ignoring the surprise in his eyes. “But one thing I learned after Noah is that what he and I shared was love, but it wasn’t the best love. Obvious manipulative, creepy reasons aside, when it was good between us despite the lies, it was never the kind of love that set my whole body on fire, that felt like I was drowning and soaring at the same time. The kind of love that’s worth fighting for.”

                He looked away at her words, unable to meet her gaze.

                “If you think you have that with De Luca, then I won’t be the one that stops you,” she said, drawing his gaze back to her. “But Michael, Max is gone. He’s gone and you and I are alone in this now. Don’t waste the time that you have on something easy and uncomplicated. It’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to _her_ and it’s definitely not fair to the love of your life.”

                Michael’s eyes widened at her description.

                “Yes, Michael, the love of your life,” she repeated. “Don’t choose the easy road. The right person comes along only once and yes, it can be messy, it can hurt you like nothing ever before. It can crush you so hard and make you feel like you’re dying inside. But it can lift you and make you feel alive. It can be that missing part that makes you whole and I think that missing part for you has always been Alex.”

                “He won’t forgive me,” Michael whispered, his vulnerability making her heart ache.

                “Is he worth it?”

                “He always has been.”

                “Then stop running, Michael. You said he was the one who always walked away but you let him go every time,” she said, keeping her voice gentle. “Be honest with Maria and with Alex, but most importantly, be honest with yourself.”

                He smiled at her sincere candour and pulled her back into his arms for a long embrace. Leaning away, she took a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair.

                “What do we do, Isobel? Not having Max…”

                “I know,” she cut him off. “I feel like I lost a part of my heart.”

                They exchanged a sad smile before she cleared her throat and looked towards the stairs.

                “You and I have to stick close together from now on,” she said and motioned behind him. “Liz too. We may have had our differences but she loved Max deeply, I could sense it. We should check on her.”

                He nodded and followed her out of the kitchen.

                “Where are you going?” Maria asked, moving into their path.

                “Just to check on Liz. You can put your leash away,” Isobel snarked.

                The two women shared a heated look before Maria turned to Michael. “I’ll come with.”

                Michael sighed inwardly as he led them through the large crowd and up the stairs. When he walked into the first guest room, the image before him made him freeze in his tracks. The four were asleep on the bed, all curled around Alex in the middle. The softness on Alex’s face made Michael smile, oblivious to Isobel and Maria who has walked in after him. Shifting his gaze, his smile quickly vanished when he registered Kyle’s arm wrapped around Alex’s middle, his face buried against the warm neck Michael had always loved.

                “This looks really comfy,” Isobel commented before toeing her heels off and climbing beside Valenti.

                “What are you doing?” Michael whispered.

                “Getting comfort where I can,” she replied, resting her head on the pillow and turning her back towards them as she reached her hand across Kyle and left it over Alex’s chest.

                “Michael, we should go,” Maria urged, pulling him towards the door.

                “I want to stay,” he said, removing his hand from her grasp. “Look, they’re your friends too. We should both stay.”

                “I can’t stay here, not with…,” she started and cleared her throat. “The bed’s busy enough. Let’s go downstairs.”

                He glanced back at Alex, a heaviness growing in his heart that only lifted when he looked at the other man. Maria took his fixed hand and tugged him outside, leaving the comfort and solace he knew he could find in the room, behind.

                When Alex opened his eyes hours later, it was to the feeling of a hand clutching his shirt. Blinking himself awake, he looked over at Liz and Rosa, both lost in their sleep, before shaking his head at Kyle beside him when he noticed Isobel. Her eyes were open as she watched him in silence.

                “That’s not creepy,” he whispered before smiling sheepishly. “Sorry.”

                Her smile widened slightly. “You’re a really good friend.”

                “I don’t know about the really part,” he said with a dry laugh. “How are you feeling?”

                “With Noah or with Max?” she asked, blinking her own tears away. “Not good with either but we both know you meant Michael.”

                He frowned and covered her hand with his. “I know you and I never really spoke much over the years but you’re his sister so you matter.”

                She heard the genuine kindness in his words and smiled. “Not that good.”

                “I’m sorry,” he said and she could see the deep sadness in his eyes that only existed from years of agony.

                “He’s an idiot, you know?”

                The kindness vanished just as quick, replaced by a guarded look as he glanced away.

                “Doesn’t matter. He made his choice and I respect it.”

                “You’re not going to fight for him?” she asked quietly, not wanting to wake the others.

                “I tried that,” he said, looking back at her. “Maybe I didn’t try hard enough, I don’t know. But he made his choice and he chose Maria. She’s one of my closest friends, present situation aside. I won’t get in the way of her happiness.”

                “Even though she got in the way of yours?”

                He looked at her critically and she shrugged, the movement making Kyle shuffle between them.

                “I call them as I see them.”

                “She’s been through a lot this past year. If he makes her happy and she does the same for him, I won’t ruin that.”

                “You really are a martyr for punishment, aren’t you?” she asked. “What about what _you_ want?”

                “I learned a long time ago, that what I want doesn’t matter. It never has,” he said. “My father is a monster in every incomprehensible way. When Guerin looks at me, he sees that monster. He sees what my family has done.”

                “He doesn’t see that, I promise you.”

                “Well, it’s either that or he just stopped loving me. Not sure which one hurts more,” he shrugged.

                Before she could answer, Kyle groaned between them. “Are you two done?”

                Alex smiled down at his sleeping head just as his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. Gently extracting himself from under Liz and Kyle, he shuffled to the end of the bed to answer.

                “Yes, this is him,” he spoke quietly as Isobel sat up to watch him. “When?”

                Liz started to move on the bed, slowly blinking herself awake.

                “It’s just that we’ve been down this road before. Several times and you guys get my hope up,” Alex said before sighing. “Alright, I can probably make the drive tomorrow. I’m about nine hours out.”

                When he hung up the phone, he ran a hand through his hair as Liz sat up.

                “Everything okay?”

                He looked back to see both Liz and Isobel watching him.

                “Everything’s fine,” he said, turning his body fully towards them. “Did you sleep okay?”

                “Better than the past few nights. Thank you,” she smiled and looked to Isobel. “When did you come in?”

                “A while ago. Michael did too but Maria practically dragged him out.”

                Alex looked away and rose to his feet as Liz sighed and nudged her sister and Kyle. They opened their eyes at the same time, glancing at each other before sitting up with the rest.

                “Is everyone still here?” Rosa asked, yawning quietly.

                “No, my parents ended the reception early,” Isobel said as she rose to her feet and moved to the window. “Michael’s truck is gone too.”

                “Do you guys want to get home?” Kyle asked, looking at Liz and Rosa.

                “The apartment is so cramped. Nothing against dad,” Rosa muttered.

                “You can stay here if you like,” Isobel offered and couldn’t help but chuckle when everyone looked at her. “I know I have the reputation of an Ice Queen but looks can be deceiving. I should know.”

                “I’d like that, thank you,” Liz said as she and Isobel shared a small smile, inching forward in their cautious friendship.

                “Well, if you stay, then so am I,” Rosa said and jumped to her feet. “Much easier explaining I’m your long lost cousin when you’re around.”

                “What about you two?” Isobel asked.

                “I’m game if you are,” Kyle shrugged, looking at Alex.

                “I should probably go. Guerin’s staying here too right now. I don’t want to cause any awkwardness.”

                “You won’t,” Isobel assured him.

                “Either way, Max was his brother. If any of us should be here, it’s him.”

                “And if he wants you here?” Isobel pressed.

                “He has a really funny way of showing that,” he said, his voice tense.

                Deflating quickly from his own outburst, he looked to Liz apologetically.

                “I have to get to base anyway. I’ll come back later to check on you.”

                She smiled sadly and nodded, understanding his need to go. He reached over the bed to give her a kiss against her brow, the small gesture making her smile grow. Seeing Rosa bat her lashes, Alex smiled and kissed her too. Moving away, he hesitated briefly before pecking Isobel over her head.

                “What did you do that for?” she asked, genuinely puzzled.

                “You looked like you needed it,” he shrugged.

                She regarded him for a long moment before something soft settled in her heart.

                “Where have you been all these years?” she asked, surprised by how much she had started to like his presence.

                He chuckled dryly at her question. “Fighting America’s enemies, or so I’m told. Fighting a war with my father. Fighting one with myself. I don’t even know anymore.”

                The room grew silent at his reply.

                “Can I get a kiss too?” Kyle cut in to ease the tension.

                “You haven’t earned one yet,” Alex said, grinning at the other man.

                “Oh come on! I’ve been awesome to you!”

                “Keep doing what you’re doing, Valenti!” Alex waved as he walked out of the room and made his way downstairs.

                Stepping out of the house, he stopped at his truck to take a deep breath. The four hours he had slept had been longer than he had going back several years. By the time he changed into his Air Force uniform and drove down to the base, evening had already arrived. Flint looked up in exhaustion when he saw Alex cross the grounds towards him.

                “What do you want, kid?”

                “We really need to talk.”

                “Look, everything you saw over there is classified!” his brother started when Alex held his hand up.

                “That’s a conversation for another day,” he cut in. “We need to talk about mom.”

                Flint took a step back in surprise. “What about her?”

                “They called me today, said she was responding well to treatment,” Alex started. “Medicare doesn’t pay for everything. I’ve been covering the rest of the costs for ten years.”

                “No one asked you to. You did that on your own.”

                “She’s our mother!” Alex exclaimed. “Just because the rest of you abandoned her doesn’t mean I was going to.”

                “What do you want, Alex?”

                “She’s responding well to the new treatment,” he repeated. “But it’s expensive and with the inpatient costs, I can’t afford it all on my own anymore.”

                “Why don’t you ask our brothers?”

                “You’re the only one who’s around, Flint! The others won’t return my calls.”

                Flint took a deep breath before shaking his head.

                “No, I’m sorry. I won’t get involved in this. I made peace with it a long time ago. Sorry, kid.”

                Alex watched as his second oldest brother walked off before his shoulders dropped. Rubbing the exhaustion from his tired eyes, he made his way back towards his truck, no longer wanting to stick around. He sat there for a long time, lost in his own thoughts before finally dragging himself back to his cabin. Changing out of his uniform, he wore his dark jeans and a navy shirt before throwing his leather jacket on and heading back towards Isobel’s.

                Across town, standing outside the Wild Pony, Michael took a deep breath before reluctantly walking inside. The bar had been shut down for the night and as much as Michael appreciated the gesture, he knew where this conversation was heading.

                “Hi,” Maria greeted him brightly, twirling around behind the bar.

                He watched her as he approached, taking in her soft skin and sweet smile, and knew his choice tonight was the right one.

                “Can we talk?” he started.

                “Sure, have a seat. I did a bit of cooking.”

                “Maria, please stop.”

                She swallowed hard and moved to stand before him across the counter.

                “I am so sorry for hurting you.”

                “What are you talking about? You haven’t hurt me.”

                Michael looked up at her and she instantly understood,. Gasping softly, she took a small step back.

                “You changed your mind?”

                “I never should have come here that night,” he said, his sigh heavy. “I just knew you had a guitar and I wanted to play. Then you kissed me and I got caught up in the moment. But it was wrong of me to let you think I wanted something more from this. It would have been good, it might have been great, but my heart has always pointed in one single direction and as much as I tried and I really, really did, it’s never wavered.”

                “So what was I, then? A distraction?” she spat out, tears already forming.

                “You were a great friend when I needed one and I care about you a lot,” he said, the words hard to get out. “But Alex is it for me. He always has been. We’ve hurt each other so much in the past ten years. There’s a lot of history there that you don’t know about but he came to me, before Max…he came to me wanting to talk and I knew. I already knew how he felt because he told me before that day. I knew it and when he came to my trailer, I had to leave so I told him to come back. He did and I came here instead.”

                Maria looked away before shaking her head.

                “So I potentially destroyed a lifelong friendship and all you wanted from this was to distract yourself for a while?”

                “Maria…,” he started.

                “Get out!” she snapped, pointing towards the door. “Get out!”

                He watched her for another few seconds before turning on his heels and walking towards the door.

                “Do you have any idea how guilty I felt, for feeling what I did for you?” she cried after him. “I knew how Alex felt, I knew he loved you and I still kissed you that day! What kind of friend does that make me?”

                He turned around to apologize again but she held her hand up.

                “Don’t! Just get out.”

                He lowered his gaze and made his way out of the bar, climbing into his truck with a sigh. Glancing down at his hand, he stared at the smoothness in his skin. He had told Max before that he kept it injured so every time he looked at his hand, he would be reminded that hope was a dangerous thing. But that had been half of the truth. However twisted, looking at the injury had always reminded him of Alex, of why he had gotten the damage in the first place. He had tried being Alex’s hero, something he had always wanted to be. A part of him hated Max for taking that feeling away.

                Closing his eyes, he berated himself for having bad thoughts about his brother. Max was gone and he was never coming back. They had been close when they were younger but anger and blame from Rosa had sent them down a road of separation that lasted a decade. All Michael could be grateful for was that they had started mending fences before Max had died. Releasing his breath, he took one last glance at the bar before pulling away into the night.

                When he reached Isobel’s house, he looked up to see all the lights were still on. Freezing outside the door, he noticed Alex’s truck parked in the driveway. He had been hoping to talk to Isobel, to gain some encouragement before seeking him out. Knowing the time was now or never, he used his key to open the door and followed the noise to the patio out back. Liz and Rosa were the first ones he noticed, sitting together with their arms looped as one. Kyle was busy reanimating a story in the middle while Isobel stood with Alex on the side. He smiled when he saw his sister and Alex talking together, happy at the sudden closeness he could sense between them. Months ago, that had been one of the things he had desperately wanted.

                Shaking his head, he focused his gaze and suddenly stopped when Alex’s appearance finally registered. Dressed in his leather jacket and dark jeans with his hair soft and disheveled, Alex looked like every one of Michael’s fantasies of him rolled up into one.

                “Michael!” Isobel greeted, her gaze still sad but with a small spark of fire buried deep inside.

                Alex met his gaze and for Michael, it felt as if the world had stopped. He slid his eyes down the other man’s body and released a deep, appreciative sigh. Finally realizing all other eyes were on him, he cleared his throat and took a step forward.

                “Can we talk?”

                Alex watched him for a long moment before straightening. “I’m not staying long. I have an early day tomorrow.”

                “Please?” Michael all but begged.

                “Say what you have to say right here.”

                “In private?”

                “I’m good with here,” Alex shrugged.

                Michael took a deep breath and ignored his crowd as Isobel moved to stand beside Kyle.

                “I know that I hurt you,” he started and Alex quickly held his hand up.

                “I thought you were gong to say something about Max. We don’t need to talk about anything else.”

                “Yes, we do Alex. I need you to let me get this out.”

                “Guerin,” Alex started, sighing heavily. “Don’t say something you’re going to regret later, please.”

                “Alex, I do have regrets but not for what you think. I regret not coming to you that day.”

                “Please, just stop.”

                “I made a mistake going to Maria. I never should have done that. I never should have made her think I wanted something more with her. I never should have left you standing there, waiting.”

                “Stop!” Alex shouted, his outburst silencing the room. “Now is not the time or the place to have this conversation. Your brother just passed. Our drama can wait until a better time.”

                “Alex, it’s because he passed that I’m saying all of this! My eyes are wide open!” Michael exclaimed, taking a step towards him. “I thought I needed space, I thought I needed to be away from you because all I felt was pain but I was wrong. All I have ever felt for you has been this soul-crushing, all consuming love.”

                “Please stop,” Alex urged him. “We shouldn’t be doing this right now.”

                “I love you, Alex, past and present. I know it was me that messed up this time and I am so sorry,” Michael ignored his protests, reaching out to grab his arms. “I’ll apologize as long as you need me to.”

                “You’re dating one of my best friends!” Alex finally snapped.

                “I ended things tonight.”

                Alex looked taken aback before laughing in disbelief. “Okay and you thought what exactly? You’d come here with a declaration and I’d welcome you with open arms?”

                Michael looked hesitant for the first time that night.

                “You made that choice, Guerin, and you chose her.”

                “It was a mistake!”

                “That doesn’t matter! She’s my friend who’s probably hurting right now!” Alex replied. “I won’t hurt her more.”

                “You really are a martyr,” Isobel commented as both looked towards her. “Did she think of you when she decided to give it a go with Michael? He shoulders a lot of that but she wasn’t a Saint either.”

                “It doesn’t matter.” Alex said, deflating at her words. “I can’t hurt her like that.”

                “Dammit Alex, for once in your life, be selfish and take what you want!” Michael pleaded.

                “What I want doesn’t matter, remember? It never has,” he replied, looking at him with a finality to his words that cut Michael in half.

                He came to leave when Michael stepped in his path. A desperation came over him, making him reach out and tug Alex forward, wrapping his arms tightly around him, uncaring that they had an audience. He felt Alex stiffen in his arms before his hands moved up to his shoulders. But instead of pulling Michael in, he gently pushed him back.

                “I think maybe we should really call it this time.”

                “No,” Michael said, a tear slipping down his cheek.

                “We tried for so long, Guerin. A whole damn decade and the feelings never went away but you moved on.”

                “I never moved on! I thought I could try but I was deluding myself.”

                “Even so, you can try again and so can I,” Alex replied, cutting Michael off before he could speak. “Maria means so much to me. It doesn’t matter how I feel about you, Guerin, because you made that choice that day and I promised I would respect it.”

                Pulling his cell phone out, he scrolled through his messages before turning it towards him.

                **Michael and I are together now. Please accept it.**

He looked up in shock as Alex put his phone away.

                “She texted you that?”

                “While I was waiting outside your trailer.”

                “Alex…”

                “It doesn’t matter. God knows I’ve hurt you too. God knows my family has,” Alex interrupted. “But we can’t go back, Guerin. I can’t go back. Not now that she got involved. Not anymore.”

                “It was a mistake,” Michael whispered.

                Alex blinked back his own tears before taking a step away from him. Looking from Isobel to Liz, his shoulders dropped.

                “I’m sorry for this.”

                “Alex, stop apologizing,” Liz urged him.

                “You can make it up to us by taking my stupid brother back,” Isobel said, her arms crossed at her chest. “Stop being such a Goddamn good guy. Be selfish. Take what you want.”

                “Kindness is about the only thing my father didn’t take away from me,” he started. “You may not understand it, but that matters to me very much. It doesn’t matter who hurt who. She’s still my friend.”

                Alex looked back towards him a final time.

                “Goodbye, Michael.”

                Michael felt the sting of his tears at the sound of his name for the first time. “No! You do not get to call me that when you’re walking away.”

                “I’m not walking away, Michael,” Alex said quietly.

                Squeezing his eyes shut to tame his emotions, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Michael’s forehead.

                “I’m letting you go.”

                Without waiting for a reply, Alex walked back into the house and out of sight.

                “Go after him!” Isobel exclaimed when Michael turned to her.

                “You don’t know how stubborn he can be,” Liz said, standing with a long sigh. “He’ll never make another move with you now that Maria’s feelings were involved. You screwed this one up, Mikey. But you lost your brother and your mother before that so how can anyone blame you? Alex doesn’t either.”

                She touched his cheek and turned to Isobel.

                “Thanks for letting us stay here but he’s been my rock through this so I need to be his now.”

                She looked to her sister who nodded and followed her out. Kyle lingered for a moment before ducking his head after them.

                “Michael, I’m so sorry,” Isobel started, moving towards him. “God, I can see why you love him so much. He really is a good guy.”

                “I’m not done,” he said, wiping his tears and meeting her gaze. “I’ll win him back.”

                “I think he was pretty serious just now.”

                “You don’t know him like I do,” he shook his head. “Is he stubborn? Yeah, to a fault. But he can’t resist me any more than I can resist him. It’s cosmic, what we have between us. I’ll just have to fight to show him that.”

                Isobel smiled softy at his words. “Max would have been proud of that.”

                They shared a sad look before leaning in to each other’s embrace.

 


	2. TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Communication is so key and it's something that has been lacking on the show between critical characters (Liz & Maria, Maria & Alex, Michael & Alex). I don't know if this was intentional by the writers or just weakness of script. So frustrating! Anyway, thanks for reading!

 

*******

                Rubbing his sore neck muscles, Alex walked into the Crashdown and made his way towards the counter. Placing his order for his coffee, he paid and turned to leave when Arturo stepped in his path.

                “Alex, hi son,” he greeted, reaching out to shake his hand. “I never got a chance to thank you for being there for Liz.”

                Alex smiled kindly. “You don’t have to thank me. I love her, you know that. Any small comfort I could give, I’m happy to do so.”

                Arturo smiled, acknowledging his words before tilting his head towards the end of the dining area. Alex followed his gaze to see Isobel sitting on her own, staring down at her hands as tears slipped down her cheeks.

                “How long has she been here?”

                “Over an hour. She’s just been sitting there,” Arturo said with a sad sigh. “Perhaps you can talk to her?”

                “Me?” Alex asked. “Probably best if you call Liz or Mi--Guerin.”

                “You have a way of comforting people, Alex. Will you please try?”

                Sighing quietly, he glanced at his watch before nodding and making his way down the aisle.

                “Hi,” he greeted her quietly.

                Isobel snapped out of her daze and slowly lifted her head. It took a couple seconds before she recognized him and swallowed, wiping her tears away.

                “Are you okay?”

                “Define okay?” she chuckled.

                He watched her for another moment before moving to sit at her side.

                “Have you had breakfast yet?” he asked as she watched him in surprise.

                “No.”

                “Scrambled eggs and toast sound good?”

                She nodded, still trying to make sense of his presence. Alex turned towards Arturo and placed the order, making the older man smile in gratitude.

                “I’m not really that hungry,” she protested.

                “You still need to eat,” he said and pushed his coffee towards her. “I’ll get one after.”

                She offered him a small smile and took a sip from the drink.

                “Any reason you’re sitting here by yourself?” he asked after a few beats.

                “Max and I used to spend a lot of time here in High School,” she said with a laugh. “Granted, it was because he desperately wanted Liz’s attention but I just wanted to be somewhere that reminded me of him.”

                Arturo brought the food and Alex moved for his wallet but the older man shushed him and walked off. Pushing the plate towards her, he raised his brow in challenge.

                “You’re a stubborn little shit, aren’t you?” she asked, taking a small bite from her toast.

                “Worried you finally met your match?” he said, his words making her smile broaden.

                “As if you could ever outwit me,” she snorted. “So last night was pretty eventful.”

                “I’m sorry again it happened at your house.”

                She shook her head at his apology. “Do you ever get tired of being a perfect guy?”

                “I’m not perfect. Not by a long shot.”

                “But you’re perfect in Michael’s eyes.”

                “Do you need a ride somewhere? I didn’t see your car outside,” he changed the subject.

                “I’m fine,” she said as he glanced at his watch. “Going somewhere?”

                “Texas eventually,” he sighed.

                “That’s quite a drive. What’s in Texas?”

                “More family drama.”

                He glanced at his watch again and Isobel straightened in her seat.

                “Do you have to go now?”

                Alex looked at her expression and saw the desperation hidden behind the guarded mask she always had in place. He hesitated for another moment before sighing to himself and shaking his head.

                “It can wait until tomorrow,” he said and watched as her smile returned.

                “Great, because I need retail therapy right now and you’re coming with me.”

                “Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I know which colour you look better in,” he laughed.

                “True but you definitely have a better fashion sense than Michael so I pick you!”

                As she sped through the rest of her breakfast, an odd fondness nestled in his heart.

                *********

                Maria looked up when she heard the door open and Liz walked inside. She had sent her best friend a text that morning, asking her to come to the bar for them to talk. Seeing the hesitant look in Liz’s eyes, the guilt she felt began to grow. Walking around the counter, she met Liz halfway and pulled her into a tight embrace.

                “I am so sorry,” she cried as Liz released a surprised breath before hugging her back. “I’m so sorry about Max, Liz. I can’t tell you how much.”

                They lasted another couple seconds before Liz pulled away. Maria took her hand and led her to the bar stools where a bottle of bourbon and two shot glasses were already waiting.

                “I know it’s probably a stupid question, but how are you feeling?”

                Liz sighed heavily and took a sip of her drink. “I’m trying to hold it together. It hasn’t been easy.”

                “I made it even worse for you, didn’t I?” Maria asked, tears beginning to form in her eyes. “I haven’t been a very good friend. I am so sorry.”                  
  
                Liz deflated at her words, the anger she felt slowly melting away. “We’ve all been guilty of dropping the ball. Alex was the one who made me see what you were going through with your mom a few months back. That day we all spent together.”                  
  
                “Alex did that?” Maria asked quietly.

                “Yeah, he called me out on being a bad friend.”

                Maria shook her head sadly. “You have no idea how much that day meant to me. Liz, how could I have hurt him like that?”

                “You had a tough year.”

               “That’s no excuse,” Maria said, looking down at her drink. “You can’t help who you like but you can be in charge of your actions. I knew Alex loved him. I didn’t at first, at Texas, but I found out after and I should have handled it so much better. I spent all night yesterday trying to look at everything objectively and I realized that when Guerin showed up here the other night, I think he wanted the guitar more than anything. I was the one that kissed him and he went with it. I blame him for playing with my feelings but my actions are my own.”

                She took a shot and blew her breath out before turning to Liz again.

                “How do I make it up to you? How do I make it up to Alex?”

                “Where I’m concerned, just stick around,” Liz offered. “No more disappearing acts. We’ll both work on that.”

                Maria smiled gratefully.

                “With Alex, do you know he turned Michael down?”

                 “What?” she asked, tilting her head in surprise.

                “Michael showed up last night after you guys talked, I guess. He had this big romantic speech. Sorry,” Liz cringed.

                “It’s okay, really. I’m a lot better than I thought I would be,” Maria replied. “Alex turned him down?”

                “Out of love and respect for you.”

                “That just makes me feel worse,” Maria groaned loudly. “I don’t want that. I don’t want him to be unhappy.”

                The door suddenly opened and Rosa stepped in.

                “Is it a good time now?” she asked her sister, slowly walking towards them.

                Maria laughed softly at her appearance. “I still can’t believe how much your cousin looks like Rosa. Almost identical.”

                The sisters exchanged glances before Liz turned to Maria.

                “It’s a good thing you’re sitting down.”

                “Why?” Maria asked, losing her smile.

                “There’s a lot I need to tell you.”

                ********

                “I’m not taking that jacket,” Alex protested as he followed Isobel into the house, carrying half of her shopping bags.

                “I bought it for you so yes, you’re taking it.”

               “Then I’ll pay you back,” he said as she stopped and spun around to face him.

               “It’s a gift.”

               “Why?”

               “To say thank you,” she replied, lifting her chin.

               “You don’t need to thank me,” he said with a sigh. “I didn’t do anything.”

               “You did more than you know,” she said, twirling on her heel and leading him through the house.

                When they reached the dining room, Alex froze. Michael was standing to the side, fidgeting nervously as platters of food were scattered on the table. Two plates were set with a candle lit between them.

                “What’s going on?” Alex asked, meeting his gaze.

                “Thanks again for today,” Isobel said, leaning in to peck his cheek before grabbing the bags from his hands and rushing up the stairs.

                “Guerin, what’s going on?”

                “I made some food. Figured you’d be hungry. I know I always am after shopping with Isobel.”

                “Is that why she asked me to go with her? To distract me for this?”

                “No!” Michael protested. “I called when you guys were out. She told me you were with her and I asked if she could bring you over.”

                “Guerin…”

                “Just lunch,” he shrugged, switching his gaze to the hot food.

                Alex hesitated briefly with a protest at the tip of his tongue before he deflated. “Let me wash up.”

                Michael watched him walk down the hall and released the breath he’d been holding.

                **********

                “Aliens?” Maria repeated before turning her teary gaze away from Liz. “Rosa?”

                “It’s me,” Rosa replied, her own tears threatening to fall.

                “This can’t be real,” Maria exclaimed before jumping to her feet and grabbing the other girl’s arm. “Rosa?”

                “It’s me!”

                Pulling her into a tight embrace, both girls hugged one another in disbelief.

                “This is insane!” Maria cried, pulling away to look at Liz. “So Max, Isobel and Michael, all of them?”

                “All of them,” Liz replied sadly, any mention of her dead boyfriend piercing her heart.

                “All of you knew? Alex? Jenna Cameron? Even Valenti?”

                “Kyle was actually one of the first ones who found out. He and I were working together at the start.”

                “So first you thought Max had killed Rosa, then you thought Isobel killed Rosa and then you found out it was Noah, who’s now dead?” Maria repeated before reaching for her glass and taking a long drink.

                “Something like that,” Liz chuckled. “I figured telling you here would be best. Lots of alcohol to numb the craziness of it all.”

                “I’m kind of ticked that all of you knew and no one bothered to clue me in.”

                “That’s on me, not anyone else,” Liz replied. “They wanted you to know but I wanted you to stay safe for a little while longer. I’m sorry.”

                Maria sighed before reaching out to take her hand. “No, I’m sorry, Liz. I’m so sorry for Max.”

                She glanced at Rosa who was watching her sister, the guilt she felt never leaving. Liz smiled and pulled both against her, hugging one another in comfort.

                **********

                Alex walked back to the table and saw that Michael had already taken his seat. He took the empty spot across from him before taking his first bite. His answering groan made Michael smile.

                “This is seriously good.”

                “Surprised?”

                “Very,” Alex said, taking another quick bite. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

                “Well, I had to teach myself since you can’t cook at all,” Michael laughed before freezing, realizing what he had said.

                Looking down, he cleared his throat to fight his blush as Alex watched him in silence.

                “I can cook,” he finally replied, his words easing the tension from the room.

                Michael smiled at his effort. “You really can’t. Boil water, maybe.”

                “You can do better?” Alex snapped, his tone more teasing than angry.

                “I just did,” Michael grinned.

                Alex rolled his eyes but he couldn’t stop the smile from appearing.

                “So, what, you plan on cooking more from now on?” Alex asked, taking another bite.

                “If you want me to.”

                Alex stopped to look at him and this time, Michael kept his gaze steady.

                “This doesn’t change anything.”

                “I know,” he said, smiling softly.

                They ate the rest of their meals in silence, occasionally trading barbs back and forth until the food was done.

                “Thank you for lunch,” Alex said as he rose to his feet.

                “You’re leaving?”

                The sadness in his tone almost made Alex close the distance between them but he swallowed the urge and shook his head.

                “Just doing the dishes.”

                He grabbed his and Michael’s plates and disappeared into the kitchen. Michael took a deep breath before grabbing the platters and following. Stopping just inside the doorway, he watched as Alex stood at the sink, rinsing the plates with his back towards him. The scene was so domestically perfect that Michael left the platters on the counter and closed the distance between them. Pressing his forehead against Alex’s neck, he let his hands rest against his hips, feeling Alex shudder from the touch.

                “What are you doing?”

                “I just want a hug.”

                “Guerin…”

                “I’m not trying to push anything, I promise,” he whispered. “I know it’s selfish of me to use my brother as an excuse, but I miss him and you look so damn beautiful right now and I’m hoping you’ll hug me back.”

                Alex swallowed thickly before turning the tap off and drying his hands. Slowly turning around, Alex pulled him in, wrapping his arms around his shoulders as Michael all but melted against him. They stood that way for several long minutes, simply holding one another, no words needed between them. At the sound of the front door bursting open, Alex untangled himself and put a foot of space between them, the distance returning the ache back to Michael’s heart.

               “Hey,” Liz greeted as she led Rosa inside.

               Alex took a deep breath before ignoring Michael and turning to the others.

               “I was going to come by later.”

               “Isobel said you were here so I thought I’d swing by,” she said, returning his smile.

               “What’s going on?” a breathless Kyle asked as he ran into the room. “I got a 911 text from Isobel telling me to hurry over and bring beer.”

               “That’s for me, thanks!” Isobel said as she popped in behind him and grabbed a bottle.

               “Seriously?” Kyle deadpanned. “You guys do know I have an actual job, right?”

               “We all have jobs,” Isobel dismissed his complaint.

               “That none of you are doing,” Rosa snorted as she reached for a bottle, but stopped when all eyes landed on her. “What? Technically, I’m twenty-nine.”

                She ignored their looks and grabbed her beer.

               “How are you doing?” Alex asked, looking towards Liz.

               “Bit better, I guess. I had a talk with Maria,” she started, her gaze jumping from Alex to Michael and back again. “Clued her in on everything, by the way.”

                “Ooh, does she want to kill everyone now?” Kyle asked. “Angry De Luca terrifies me.”

                “Well, you can ask her that yourself,” Liz said, glancing over her shoulder as Maria walked into the kitchen.

                 Everyone stayed silent for several seconds as she moved her gaze from one person to the next before focusing on Isobel and Michael.

                “Aliens.”

                “That we are,” Isobel said, a challenge in her eyes. “Got something to say?”

                “Yeah, I do,” Maria smiled falsely as she turned to Michael. “You’re no longer welcome in my bar.”

                 Before he could start to protest, she turned a genuine smile to Alex. “Can we talk, outside?”

                 Alex could see the guilt radiating off her in waves. He smiled softly as he reached out to take her extended hand, following her through the house and onto the terrace.

                 “What are we waiting for? Let’s eavesdrop!” Kyle exclaimed.

                 “You are so my brother,” Rosa grinned as they led the others to the end of the house.

                 “Alex,” Maria started, watching him as he leaned his back against the sofa. “I don’t know where to start.”

                  “It’s okay,” he dismissed.

                  “No, it’s really not,” she said, smiling apologetically.

                  “What are they saying?” Michael asked, looking over their shoulders as Kyle and Rosa tried to make their words out through the window.

                   Rosa glanced back at him and rolled her eyes.

                   “God, it’s like high school. I like him, does he like me?” she mocked as Michael tossed a glare in her direction.

                   “I am so sorry for everything,” Maria began. “That text I sent you? Alex, I’ll never forgive myself for that or for kissing him. I was so terrified of facing you because I knew what I was doing was wrong. A text was me taking the coward’s way out.”

                   Alex reached for her hand. “Maria, it’s okay.”

                   “No, stop saying that! You’re a sweetheart but I know I screwed up,” she said, using her free hand to wipe a stray tear away. “But in all fairness, he screwed up too so I’m only shouldering half of the blame and by the way, _alien_? Thanks for the heads up!”

                    Alex chuckled despite himself.

                    “But I really need to make this up to you,” she said, sighing softly. “Alex, he loves you so much. Anyone with eyes can see that.”

                    He looked away at her words but she gripped his hand to keep him close.

                    “I think it was more about wanting that feeling for myself than it was about me being into him,” she explained, drawing his gaze back to her. “I mean, do I like him? Yeah, I do, but in all honestly, after spending all night cursing his existence before taking a long look at how I really felt, it sort of clicked this morning. I just wanted to feel that deep love that he feels for you.”

                    Alex looked down but she gently tilted his head back up.

                   “You’re a better friend than I deserve right now for telling him no because of me but let this be my first step in making things right between us,” she said, her smile sincere.  “Alex, I know you love him too. You always have. Please don’t hold yourself back from that happiness because of me.”

                   He sighed heavily as he blinked his own tears away.

                   “The two of us, our timing has never been right.”

                   “But it can be now,” she assured him.

                   “I don’t think I can just plunge back in with him again,” he said, shaking his head. “I know I walked away plenty of times but this really hurt.”

                   “I know,” she said quietly. “I understand if you need time. Just don’t permanently close that door, is all I’m saying. Just spend some time with him. When it’s right, you’ll know.”

                   “Seriously, what are you two good for?” Michael snapped, his nerves getting the better of him. “What is he saying?”

                   “Damn, Guerin, Rosa was right,” Kyle chuckled. “He loves me, he loves me not.”

                   Before Michael could reach over and grab him, Isobel’s voice cut him off.

                   “They’re hugging, that has to be a good sign.”

                   All five faces were pressed against the window. Outside, Alex and Maria pulled back and glanced towards them.

                   “Abort!” Kyle shouted as they quickly ducked.

                   “Children,” Maria said and they shared a laugh. “So, aliens.”

                   “Aliens,” Alex repeated.

                   “And your family and Kyle’s family is involved?”

                   “Yeah,” Alex breathed out. “To be honest, I’m still surprised he can look at me and not see all that horror.”

                    “Give him a little credit,” Maria nudged his shoulder. “He looks at you and sees the only person his heart has belonged to for ten years, not your family or your father.”

                    “Maria,” he started.

                    “No, it’s okay. We can talk about this. I promise, I’m okay,” she assured him. “I know it may take a while to trust me again and I understand that but please try and listen to my advice. The connection the two of you have is rare. Don’t let go of that.”

                    Alex watched her for a moment before pulling her back into his arms. She bit her lower lip before her tears finally started to fall. He tightened his hold around her, comforting her as she cried.

                    “I’m the one who should be groveling and you’re comforting me. How do you not hate me?”

                    “I don’t need you to grovel, Maria,” he shook his head. “What you did hurt. What he did hurt even more. But you’re too important to me to stay mad at for long.”

                    “I don’t deserve you,” she whispered.

                    “Please don’t say that,” he argued. “You’re one of my best friends, like a sister to me. I’m not perfect either. We’ll get past this, I promise.”

                    She touched his cheek, smiling sweetly.

                    “What about Guerin?”

                    “That one hurts in a different way.”

                    “Has he bought you flowers yet? He seems like he might,” she chuckled wryly.

                    “No, but he cooked me lunch today. Pretty good at it, too,” he said, his smile small. “Falling into bed has always been easy for us. It’s everything else that needs to change.”

                    He looked off into the distance, his voice growing quiet.

                    “If I opened my heart to him, I don’t think I’ll survive if he crushes it again.”

                    “He won’t,” she said, drawing his gaze back to her. “Trust my intuition, Alex. He won’t.”

                    Sighing, he slowly rose to his feet. “Are we okay?”

                    “I should be asking you,” she laughed.

                    Pulling her in, he pressed a kiss against her cheek. “We’re okay.”

                    She smiled happily at his words and took his hand, leading him back inside. The others were standing around the room, their lack of subtlety making both laugh.

                    “I have to go do some inventory and open the bar soon,” Maria said and glanced between Isobel and Michael. “Aliens.”

                    She shared a look with Isobel before turning on her heels and making her way outside. Michael instantly crossed the room towards him, rocking back on his heels.

                    “Everything ok?” he asked, his voice nervous.

                    “Between her and me? Getting there,” he replied. “The rest of the conversation was a bitch fest about you.”

                    Michael’s eyes saddened at the words but before he could move away, Alex bit his lip and pressed a hand over his heart. The touch was gentle and unsure, but Michael felt the warmth radiating through the cloth of his sweater. Lifting his own hand, Michael twined their fingers together, their eyes locked in a heated gaze. Several seconds passed before Alex remembered the others in the room and released his hand, taking a step back.

                   “Anyone feel like watching a movie? I saw your projector out there,” he said, looking to Isobel.

                   She grinned between them and nodded, moving forward to loop her arm through his as she led Alex back outside. Michael watched them go before Liz and Rosa stopped in his path.

                   “Don’t screw it up this time,” Liz said, her smile soft but holding the pain she still carried.

                   “Yeah!” Kyle added, tossing him a look of warning as he followed the others out.

                   Michael looked down at his fixed hand, thinking of his brother for a moment, before stepping into the backyard. The projector had lit up and the first movie had started rolling. Seeing Alex sitting on his own in the loveseat, he made his way towards him and growled at Kyle before he could sit down.

                   “Possessive much?” Kyle rolled his eyes, moving to sit on the grass.

                   Michael could see the smile on Alex’s face as he lowered himself down. All he could concentrate on was the long line where their bodies were pressed together. He desperately wanted to pull Alex against him but he knew he had to respect the space the other man had asked for. They turned to face one another, locked in a long gaze before Alex turned away for the rest of the movie. It wasn't what Michael wanted but for now, it was enough. It was a start. 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of introducing Mama Manes here. I know Alex said in that episode where he confronted his dad that he spoke with his mom. Kind of ignoring that line lol

*****

 

                Alex blinked himself awake, taking in his surroundings with confusion. Feeling a weight against his waist, he looked down to see an arm tucked around his middle. Slowly glancing behind him, he saw Michael nestled against his back, his face pressed against the curve of Alex’s neck. After the film had ended and the others had gone to sleep, he and Michael had sat on the sofa inside, skimming through the TV channels with a comfortable silence between them. Cursing under his breath, he started extracting himself from the embrace when a sharp pain shot through his leg. Sitting up quickly, he grabbed his knee and detached the prosthetic he’d forgotten to remove last night. Kneading his sore muscles, he bit his lip to keep his pain muted inside.

                “Let me,” Michael’s quiet voice startled him.

                He looked over just as Michael sat up, helping him lean back against the arm of the couch before pulling Alex’s legs onto his thighs. Flustered by the touch but in too much pain to argue, he watched as Michael pushed the pants leg up past his stump before massaging the tense muscles. Closing his eyes, Alex tilted his head back, a lengthy groan escaping his throat. He felt Michael’s hands stutter for a moment but the feel of fingers digging into his skin was too euphoric for Alex to question him. When the pain finally began to ease, he let out a content sigh and opened his eyes to find Michael already watching him, a tenderness in his gaze.

                “Thank you,” he breathed.

                Michael’s smile widened as he leaned forward to pull Alex towards him. Pressing their foreheads together, he slipped his other hand behind Alex’s neck as they breathed each other's air for several seconds. Before the quiet intimacy could allow Michael to close that final gap, the sound of footsteps made Alex pull away, lowering his legs to the ground. He quickly attached his prosthetic again, biting his tongue at the pinch he felt against his skin.

                Isobel walked in first, giving Michael a quizzical look when she saw them on the couch, pressed close together. The look in his eyes made her bite her tongue just as Liz entered the room with Kyle, Rosa having gone home the night before.

                “Morning,” Kyle yawned, oblivious to the quiet tension.

                Alex’s ringing phone broke the silence in the room and he reached for his jacket to answer, rubbing the tiredness from his eyes.

                “You guys have a nice night?” Isobel asked, her need to tease Michael allowing her to focus her mind away from Max.

                He gave her another look just as Alex sat up in surprise.

                “Are you serious? She…?”

                He ran his hand through his hair and chuckled into the phone.

                “No, that’s amazing. Thank you. I’ll leave within the hour. I should be there by late afternoon.”

                Hanging up the phone, he squeezed his eyes shut as Liz moved to sit on his other side.  
  
                “Alex, what is it?”

                “My mom,” he managed, shaking his head in disbelief.

                “Your mom? I thought she left when you were in Junior High?” Kyle started.

                He shook his head again and wiped at the sudden tears in his eyes. “No, that was the lie my dad told everyone. In his twisted mind, being deserted by his wife was less embarrassing than the truth.”

                When he saw the confused looks on their faces, he leaned back against the couch with a sigh.

                “She’s been receiving inpatient care at Austin State Hospital for over ten years.”

                “That’s a psychiatric hospital,” Kyle exclaimed, the stunned silence from the others making Alex swallow hard before nodding.

                Michael met Isobel’s eyes and the expression on his face told her he had been unaware.

                “She was driving back from Houston one day and her car went off the side of the road. When they found her, she was disoriented. My dad was connected enough that the Sheriff over there told him first before alerting anyone else. My brothers and I went to the hospital to see her. I was thirteen back then,” he explained, keeping his gaze to a spot on the ground. “We took her home but she started having these episodes where she’d wake up in the middle of the night, screaming, and then forget about it all the next day.”

                “Alex,” Liz started but he continued as if she hadn’t spoken.

                “Eventually, when things started getting worse, my dad told everyone she had left us to stay with family out west. That the stress of raising four sons was too much for her to handle and had made her act out that way. That’s what he told me too. Despite all the issues he and I had, at that point things weren’t so terrible yet between us so I didn’t doubt what he said, especially with my brothers all corroborating it,” Alex explained, nervously fidgeting with his hands. “Just before graduation, my brother Flint came to visit and I got him drunk one night and he told me everything. I was just hoping I could get some dirt on my dad but Flint ended up telling me the truth about my mom.”

                “Alex,” Michael whispered, moving to take his hand but Alex pulled back, pressing his shaking fingers between his knees.

                Isobel slowly lowered herself until she was kneeling. Reaching out, she placed her hand on his knee, giving him an encouraging nod to continue.

                “Flint said that my dad had her check into the El Paso Psychiatric Center back when he told me she had walked out on us. That she was there for two years, being poked and prodded, treated for every mental illness the doctors could think of but nothing helped. She was getting worse, hearing voices in her head, seeing people that weren’t there. After two years, my dad wanted her institutionalized at an insane asylum, maximum security. Somewhere that he could lock her up and throw away the key. All he cared about was the family name, his image,” he said, wiping a tear that had rolled down his face. “He used his connections and had her committed in Nebraska. My brother is a lot of things but he’s also a lightweight when he drinks. He let it slip that she had filed paperwork before becoming incapacitated and it named me as the durable power of attorney. I could make decisions for her medical care but my dad had kept that information to himself.”

                “I can’t believe all of this,” Liz said, her disbelief leaking through. “You never said anything.”

                Alex shrugged, wiping at his eyes again. “I checked with our lawyer. He’d been the one to draft all the paperwork for my mom. When my dad had found out, I don't know if he bribed or threatened him, but he convinced the lawyer to forget the papers existed. I don't know what made him tell me the truth and show me all the documents that day. Maybe he was tired of being controlled by my dad too. I could have probably pursued that angle, held him accountable, but the papers indicated I would have authority over her medical care when I turned seventeen. It was just a few months past my birthday and I didn’t have the time or strength to argue it. We had the documents notarized and when everything was done, I borrowed Flint's car and drove up to Nebraska on my own. I saw her for the first time in almost five years.”

               “That was the week you were gone, just before graduation,” Liz remembered. “You were going through all of that back then and I didn’t know.”

               Alex shrugged again and missed the heartbroken look in Michael’s eyes.

               “Three days before I found everything out and went to the lawyer, before I drove up to Nebraska, my dad and I got into a fight,” he said before looking at Michael with tears in his eyes.

               Michael immediately understood Alex meant the night they kissed for the first time at the museum. The night they made love in the tool shed. The night Jesse Manes used brutal violence to tear them apart.

               “After you left,” he started, looking only at Michael and ignoring the others in the room. “He didn’t stop there.”

               Michael’s breath caught at the words, the heaviness in his heart almost too much to take.

               “I was a mess by morning. By the time I managed to clean myself up, I heard him on the phone with Flint. Realized my brother was coming for a visit. That’s when I took him out and got him drunk, desperate to get something I could use against my dad. Instead, I found out about my mom.”

               “Why didn’t you tell me?” Michael whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me what he did to you that night?”

               “Why, so I could drag you even further into the mess of my life?” he asked, gently reaching out to touch Michael’s injured hand. “Look what he did the first time.”

               The others in the room took the news with surprise as Isobel gasped.

               “I couldn’t do that to you,” Alex whispered. “I drove up to Nebraska and when I got there, they had her strapped down in bed. Her room had little light. She didn’t know who I was, just kept screaming words I couldn’t even understand. It killed me seeing her like that.”

               He looked into Isobel’s eyes, a sad smile on his face.

               “You didn’t know her back then, how she was,” he started, switching his gaze to Michael. “She was so full of life when I was a kid. So full of energy and love. Just completely beautiful. Seeing her like that, it nearly broke me.”

               He drew his gaze back down to the floor as Michael continued to watch him. He’d all but abandoned Alex after that night, too traumatized by his own problems with Isobel and Rosa and everything else that had happened. Looking at Alex, a part of Michael hated himself, knowing everything the other man had been going through and not being there to help him.

               “They were skeptical considering I was still seventeen but the law was on my side,” Alex said with a long sigh. “As long as you were named guardian before the person became incapacitated, there’s nothing they could do. Before driving up, I did some research and Austin State was the best, closest hospital I could find. The Head of Psychiatry spoke with me over the phone and talked me through all the procedures and paperwork so I could have her transferred there. She was on so many different drugs at that point that Nebraska only agreed to transfer her under guard. When we finally got to Austin, the staff there was gentle in the way they treated her. I was grateful for that, you know?”

               He took a moment to compose himself, rubbing the wetness from his eyes.

               “You did all that on your own?” Kyle asked, his voice timid.

               “I would have done anything.”

               Liz reached out to take his hand in hers, twining their fingers together.

               “Problem was I was a seventeen year old high schooler making minimum wage at the museum. College was never really in my plans. I didn’t have the grades to get a scholarship and I didn’t have much money saved up to pay my own way because he sure as hell wasn’t going to pay for me. What I wanted, what I always wanted, was to write music but there’s not a lot of money in that either. With the inpatient care and the cost of treatment, it was expensive. I tried asking my brothers but they all rid themselves of any responsibility. I hated my father for so much but if I thought for a minute he would help, I would have swallowed whatever little dignity I had left and gone to him. But he wouldn’t have. So I didn’t really have a lot of options.”

               “No,” Michael whispered, already knowing the end of the story.

               “What?” Isobel asked, switching her gaze between them.

               “She was my mom,” Alex said, his voice breaking. “So I enlisted.”

               “No,” Michael repeated, remembering that night ten years ago, when he had finally found the courage to seek Alex out again.

               He’d tried pulling the other boy against him, to kiss him and drown his own sorrows away, but two words from Alex had changed everything. He’d told Michael he was leaving the day after graduation, to go to Florida to start his training before shipping overseas. Angry from everything that had happened in his own life with Rosa and Isobel, Michael had been vicious and cruel, blaming Alex for running away. He’d called him a coward, told him he’d never love him. He knew Alex was on the verge of crying but his own heart had been too shattered to care. Michael had stormed out, driving off in his truck before breaking down in a fit of tears.

               They’d only seen one another once more at graduation, a subdued affair from the triple deaths of Rosa and her friends. Alex had sought him out in the courtyard, when no one was around to witness. Michael had wanted to be cruel again, to toss the other boy aside like he thought Alex was doing to him. But one look in Alex’s eyes and he’d been putty in his hands. They’d driven out to the desert that night and under a blanket of a starry sky, made love in the bed of Michael’s truck three times before morning came. Each time had been tender and gentle with nothing but love and affection between them. They’d said goodbye the next day, lingering in their embrace before Alex made himself walk away. It would be another four years before he’d see Alex again, and then another six when the soldier finally came home. The realization of how wrong he had been, of how much he had missed by being wrapped up in his own affairs back then, ripped Michael in two.  

               “I made a deal with my dad,” Alex continued, oblivious to the raging war going on inside Michael’s head. “I’d enlist and join the Air Force if he left her alone, if he let the doctors at Austin State try and undo five years of brutal therapies that were done to her. It was one of the two conditions I had for enlisting. He saw it as a win so he agreed and I left. At that point, a part of me wanted to go anyway. I wanted to grow strong, to be able to win my battles but it was mostly because of my mom. It was the only way I knew to help her. Minimum wage wasn’t going to cut it.”

                 “You paid for everything?” Liz whispered as he faced her.

                “Everything Medicare didn’t cover, I did,” he nodded. “It’s why I only came back once on leave. I couldn’t afford it.”

                He chuckled at his own response before sighing heavily, missing the distressed look from everyone around him.

                “But,” he started, his smile growing. “They called me the other day and told me she’s been responding to the new therapies. I've had a lot of calls like that over the years and it never went anywhere. But they started this new treatment a few weeks ago. When they called me just now, they told me that she’s lucid.”

                “She’s aware?” Liz asked, squeezing his hand as her own smile widened.

                “They said she was talking, asking them to let her walk outside, feel the sun. I can’t believe it. Fifteen years.”

                He shook his head and closed his eyes, a gentle sob escaping him. Before Kyle or Liz could reach for him, Michael pulled Alex against his chest, wrapping him up in a protective hold as he pressed his lips against his ear.

                “She’s okay now. Everything’s okay.”

                Alex let out another quiet sob before he reached up to wrap his arms around Michael’s shoulders. The others watched them in silence, each taking a moment to collect themselves from the heaviness that had been shared. Once he felt his heart begin to calm, Alex leaned back but Michael kept his hands around him.

                “I wish you had told me back then.”

                “What could you have done?” he asked, wiping the rest of his tears away.

                “Help you pay for her care,” Michael replied, his words making Alex look at him in surprise. “She was your mom. You're not the only one who would have done anything.”

                Alex nodded, unable to find the words.

                “I could have helped you carry that burden,” Michael added.

                “So could I,” Liz started.

                He turned towards her, squeezing her hand in thanks. “You had just lost your sister. No way was I piling my own problems on top of yours.”

                Liz shook her head and looked away. Kyle watched them before lowering his gaze, the guilt of high school rearing its head all over again.

                “Maria was going though a lot too. Her dad had walked out on them that year. I didn’t want to pile onto her either.”

                “So you carry the weight of the world on your own shoulders, right?” Michael asked bitterly.

                “You would know better than most,” Alex reminded him.

                Before Michael could respond, Alex sighed and rose to his feet.

                “I have to drive down to Austin. I need to see her.”

                “You’re not going alone,” Michael said, jumping to his feet. “There’s no way I’m letting you drive there by yourself.”

                “Count me in,” Liz nodded.

                “Me too,” Kyle added, his voice quiet in the room. “I’m off shift from the hospital.”

                “I’ll be happy to be the fifth wheel,” Isobel said, sliding a finger under her eye and pretending she wasn’t affected.

                “Thank you but…” Alex started.

                “Alex, stop it!” Liz exclaimed, grabbing his arms. “You’ve been a rock for me the past few days. Now it’s my turn. I’m going home to shower and change. I’ll be back here in an hour.”

                She turned to leave and Kyle reached out to touch Alex’s arm before quietly pulling away and following her out. Isobel gave him a smile that clashed with the sadness in her eyes before she made her way upstairs.

                “I’ll give you a ride to the cabin,” Michael offered, ushering him to the door.

                “I drove here myself.”

                “Please?” Michael all but pleaded.

                Alex instantly deflated and followed Michael outside. They were on the road in seconds, both silent as neither could find the courage to say what they wanted. When they reached the cabin and the truck was parked, Alex started climbing out when Michael stopped him. Without any more hesitation, Michael grabbed the sides of his face and crashed their lips together, the kiss almost painful but perfect in every way.

                “Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispered, pulling away to lock their eyes together. “I was so angry with you for leaving.”

                “You were going to college, you were getting away from everything. All I would have done was hold you back. After what my father did, I wanted better for you, Guerin.”

                “You want to know what I wanted?” Michael scoffed. “ _You_. All I’ve ever wanted was you.”

                Alex closed his eyes as he let the words settle in his heart, slowly healing the pain that had erupted over the past several days.

                “I get that you've been alone in so much of this and I hate myself for abandoning you back then," Michael began, holding his hand up to stop Alex from speaking. "But you're not alone, Alex. I've always been here. I always will be."

                He reached out to touch Alex's cheek, tenderly caressing his skin.

                "When we go get your mom, when you have that amazing reunion with her, I’m going to get to know her and win her over with my charm,” he said, his words making Alex smile. “Then you and I are going to have a long talk about us, about the future. Right now, it’s too much to lay on you. Let’s just go get your mom and take it from there.”

                Alex nodded before he reached out to touch Michael’s face.

                “I’m so sorry.”

                “For what?” Michael breathed.

                “I’m getting my mom back and yours…,” he said but couldn’t find it in him to finish the sentence.

                Michael swallowed hard at the reminder before he drew Alex’s gaze back towards him.

                “Maybe yours can help heal that wound one day.”

                Alex nodded again, the smile returning to his face. He leaned in and pressed his forehead against Michael’s neck, taking comfort from the familiar scent. Michael pressed a kiss at his temple and they shared a final smile before Alex made his way towards the cabin.

                “What was the other condition?” he suddenly asked as Alex spun around to face hm. “You said your mom was one of two conditions you gave your dad when you enlisted. What was the other?”

                Alex watched him for a long moment before tilting his head. “That he would leave you alone.”

                Michael felt his breath catch and he sat there speechless as Alex walked into the cabin. Leaning his head back against his seat, he closed his eyes and promised himself to fix everything that was broken between them.

 


	4. FOUR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter could have gone 2 different ways but ultimately the angst won out. In regards to triggers, please note that something happens in this chapter. Not sure how else to say it without giving anything away.

*****

 

                Staring outside the window at the passing terrain, Alex rubbed his hands together nervously over his lap. They’d piled into Kyle’s truck and made the five hundred mile trek at record speed, stopping only once for a quick lunch. As much as Alex would have preferred making the journey alone, to keep his vulnerability hidden from the others, a part of him was grateful for the support.

                “Are you alright?” Michael asked, reaching forward from the back to touch his arm.

                 Glancing over his shoulder, Alex met his eyes and gave a small smile. “Just nervous.”

                “It’s going to be okay,” Liz assured him, pushing Michael slightly aside so she could see Alex’s face. “You’re going to see your mom and it will be amazing.”

                “Fifteen years,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. “Not a day went by when I didn’t think of her. I can’t believe she’s lucid.”

                “She’s lucid because she had you in her corner,” Kyle added.

                Alex gave him a smile before he turned to look out his window again. Reaching back with his left hand, he extended his fingers to Michael without turning around. His smile grew when he felt Michael twine their fingers together, squeezing tight. Twenty minutes later, they drove through downtown Austin before Kyle pulled to a stop outside the State Hospital. With a deep sigh, Alex released Michael’s hand and climbed out, staring up at the building he had visited several times since his return to Roswell. Feeling a touch at the small of his back, he looked over to see Michael standing beside him, a gentle smile on his face. Alex bit his lip and looked back at the building for a moment before lunging for Michael and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Michael let out a huff of surprise before he tightened his own arms, one hand gripping the base of Alex’s neck while the other ran up and down his back.

                “Are we done with the mushiness?” Isobel asked, but the grin on her face gave her away.

                When they pulled out of the embrace, Michael’s heart clenched as he took in the first real smile he had seen on Alex’s face since that morning they woke up together in the Airstream. They leaned in at the same time, pressing their foreheads together and closing their eyes. Liz watched them with a sadness in her heart, missing Max with an intensity she couldn’t drown but happy for the man she had loved as a brother all these years. Wiping a stray tear from his eye, Alex chuckled as he reached to take Michael’s hand. With their fingers twined together, they walked towards the entrance with the others close behind, passing a parked police cruiser and an ambulance on their way in.

                Stepping through the main doors, Alex moved towards the front desk, offering the two nurses a bright smile. The women looked up at him with a graveness in their eyes he couldn’t place, but he ignored the look and cleared his throat.

                “I’m Alex Manes. I spoke with Doctor Williams this morning about my mother, Citana.”

                The women exchanged glances before the older of the two looked to Alex with a saddened smile.

                “Let me get the Doctor for you,” she exclaimed, grabbing the phone.

                He felt a tightness in his chest but pushed the odd feeling away as he turned towards the others.

                “I don’t know how long this will take. Do you guys want to take off and come back after?”

                “Stop being stupid,” Liz replied, patting his cheek.

                He couldn’t help but smile in reply and turned to Michael who gently tugged him in.

                “I want to meet your mom,” Michael spoke quietly, his face close to Alex’s ear.

                “She could always read me so easily. One look at my face and she’ll know what you mean to me,” Alex chuckled. “I’m sure she’ll be happy to meet you too.”

                Michael’s smile softened as he slipped one arm around Alex’s waist, neither caring that they were standing in the middle of a hospital lobby.

                “I’ve missed you so much,” Michael whispered, ignoring Isobel as she rolled her eyes.

                Alex smiled gently as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Michael’s cheek. “I missed you too.”

                “Honestly, you two are giving me a cavity,” Isobel grumbled.

                “I think you need to get used to it,” Alex said, keeping his eyes locked with his alien.

                “Yeah?” Michael asked, unable to stop the hope from building in his chest.

                Alex didn’t hesitate when he nodded. “Yes.”

                Shaking his head in disbelief, Michael pulled Alex back into his arms, holding the other man tight against him.

                “Alright, there’s lovey-doveyness and then there’s you two,” Isobel exclaimed.

                Michael turned his face towards her but refused to let Alex go. “Stop it, Iz.”

                Pulling back, he held the sides of Alex’s face, running his thumbs tenderly across his cheeks.

                “I finally have him.”

                They shared another smile before movement on the right caught their attention. Alex released Michael to approach Doctor Williams, reaching out to shake the other man’s hand.

                “Thank you so much,” Alex started, unable to keep his excitement at bay. “I couldn’t believe it when you called this morning. I came as soon as I could.”

                The older man watched him for a moment before sighing.

                “Did you not get our messages?”

                Alex reached for his phone and chuckled. “Battery must have died.”

                When he pushed the phone back in his pocket and glanced up, the look on the Doctor’s face matched the expressions the nurses had given him before. Leaning on his good leg, he swallowed hard.

                “What’s going on?”

                “Why don’t you come with me? We can talk in my office.”

                “No,” Alex said, taking a small step back. “Tell me.”

                “Son,” Doctor Williams started. “We really should go somewhere more private.”

                “Alex, come on, let’s just get out of the lobby,” Liz suggested, motioning the movement around them.

                He nodded and followed them down the hall, stepping through a set of double doors before they entered an empty waiting room. When one of the nurses started addressing the others, Alex held his hand up to cut her off.

                “They’re my friends. My family. They stay."

                He felt Michael move beside him but kept his gaze focused on the physician.

                “Did she regress again?”

                 The Doctor released a heavy sigh before replying. “Your mother was completely lucid when she woke up in the morning. She knew who she was, she understood that she was in the hospital. She kept asking for you, wanting to see you.”

                Michael reached down to take Alex’s hand, grateful when he felt Alex squeeze his fingers back.

                “She had lunch, asked to go outside so she could feel the sun on her face. We were so overjoyed by her awareness,” the Doctor continued before his smile slowly disappeared. “She started feeling a heaviness in her head and asked the nurses for a notebook. She walked under one of the willow trees in the front courtyard, sat down in the shade and started writing a letter.”

                Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a folded piece of paper.

                “A letter for you.”

                Alex stared at his name written over the folded edge and squeezed Michael’s hand even tighter.

                “Did she regress?” he repeated, tears forming in his eyes.

                “She gave me the letter, thanked me for never giving up when others would have,” the Doctor explained, his emotions bleeding through. “It happened so quickly. I don’t even know how she got up there.”

                Liz gasped, realization dawning on her as Isobel and Kyle watched her in confusion.

                “Is she in her room?” Alex asked, his heart unable to let him believe anything else.

                “I cannot express my condolences enough, son.”

                Alex released his grip on Michael’s hand and took a step back.

                “She took her life an hour ago.”

                He could hear the gasps from the others as the Doctor gave more details but Alex drowned out all the voices, staring at the older man in stunned silence. He felt Michael reach out for him again but stepped away from the grasp.

                “I don’t understand,” he said, a childlike innocence to his voice. “She was lucid this morning. Where is she?”

                “Alex…,” the Doctor started.

                “You said she was aware! That she was coherent!” he shouted, ripping his arm away from Michael when he tried to hold him. “She wouldn’t do that! Why would she do that?

                “I wish I had the answers, son,” the Doctor replied.

                “You don’t know her! She wouldn’t hurt herself!”

                “Alex,” Michael tried again, biting his lip to hold his tears from falling. “Alex, you need to stop.”

                “No, she wouldn’t do that!” he shouted, using his fists to push Michael away. “I want to see her. Where is she?”

                Doctor Williams hesitated for several silent beats before sighing. “She’s in the morgue, Alex. I didn’t want to transfer her until you came.”

                The single word made him instantly deflate. Lifting his gaze to the others, he saw the uncontrolled tears in Liz’s eyes and the silent devastation with Isobel and Kyle before he focused on Michael’s gaze. Taking a small step forward, Michael reached out to gently pull Alex towards him. Frozen in a state of shock and denial, Alex stayed pressed against Michael for a few moments before he leaned away.

                “Let me see her.”

                “I’ll take you there,” the Doctor nodded, moving to the side.

                “I should do this part alone,” Alex said, unaware of the tears that were slipping down his cheeks.

                “Sweetheart, no,” Michael shook his head. “I am not letting you do this alone. If you don’t want me there, at least let Liz go with you.”

                They held eyes for a long moment before Alex nodded tightly and stuffed his hands in his pockets, closing himself off from any comfort. Following the Doctor down the hall, they boarded the elevator as a sombre silence engulfed the air around them. 

                “Would you like anyone to go with you?” the Doctor asked once they were standing outside the morgue.

                Alex hesitated before he reached out to take Michael’s hand. Releasing a shaky breath, he pushed his way into the room, barely feeling Michael’s tight grip against his fingers while the others stayed by the door, giving him the space he needed. Swallowing hard, Alex moved towards the bed in the middle of the room and stared at the body hidden beneath the sheet. He felt Michael step closer behind him and lifted his head to the morgue technician. Nodding once, Alex watched with bated breath as the sheet was slowly lifted. All other sounds in the room separated from his ears as he stared down at his mother, all signs of blood and trauma wiped away from her beautiful face.                   

               Stepping away from Michael, he moved to the other side and reached his trembling hand down to caress her cheek. Her body was still warm at his touch as if she were still asleep. His grief hit him all at once and he slowly lowered his face towards hers, the tears he had been holding back bursting from his eyes. With his own heart shattered to pieces, Michael rushed around the bed and pulled Alex away from the body, wrapping him in his arms as the sounds of his painful sobs surrounded the space around them. He watched over Alex’s shoulder as the sheet was lowered back over her face before he felt Alex tighten his grip on his collar as he let himself finally break. Lifting his hand to the others, he silently motioned for them to leave the room. Once they were gone and the body had been wheeled away, Michael pressed his lips to Alex’s ear.

                “I am so sorry,” he whispered, his own voice cracking.

                He squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his hold, his mind rushing back to Caulfield, to that devastating moment with his own mother.

                “It’s okay,” he promised, opening his eyes and rubbing his hand across Alex’s back. “Just let it out.”

                They stayed that way for several minutes, locked in each other’s arms until Alex’s cries slowly stilled. Moving back, he stared at Michael for a moment before his eyes scanned the room for her body. When he saw she was no longer there, he left Michael’s arms and moved towards the hallway.

                “Can I have the letter?”

                Doctor Williams spun around as his friends rose to their feet in the waiting room. Liz closed the distance between them and pulled him into her arms, crying her apologies against his chest. Alex steeled his expression and forced his emotions down when she leaned away. He looked back towards the Doctor and slowly took the letter from his extended hand, tucking it into his pocket.

                “I wish I had answers for you son, but I don’t. All I can surmise is that the pain was too much. Her mind was locked away for fifteen years.”

                Alex nodded and rubbed his face. “Can I see her room?”

                When they were standing outside her room on the third level, Alex turned towards the others but kept his gaze to the floor.

                “I’d like to go in alone.”

                Without waiting for a response, he pushed through the door and stepped inside.

                “How can something like this happen?” Michael demanded, spinning around. “How could no one stop her?”

                “Son, we are all shaken by what happened,” the Doctor replied, his voice full of sadness. “She was a patient of mine for ten years. I wish I could make sense of this tragedy. Perhaps her letter will shed some light. I’m very sorry.”

                Michael wiped the wetness from his eyes as he turned back around and pressed his face against the glass in the door, watching Alex as he moved around inside. Glancing around himself, Alex took in the unadorned space that had been his mother’s home for over a decade. When her condition had begun to deteriorate, no accessories or personal items were allowed inside. The only piece that stood out in the plainness of the room was a photograph of Alex when he was twelve years old on his birthday before everything changed. It was pinned to the wall above the bed, crinkled in the corners. Reaching up, he grabbed the photo and stared down at it with a broken smile. Tucking it in his pocket beside the letter, he took a final glance around the room before stepping back outside.

                “I have some other belongings. Sketches she did in some of our more tranquil sessions,” Doctor Williams began as one of the nurses handed Alex a thick folder. “I thought you may want to keep these.”

                “What happens now?” Alex managed to ask.

                “Once the autopsy is performed and the death certificate is issued, we can discuss the next steps,” Doctor Williams replied before he reached out to pat Alex on his shoulder. “For now, it’s best if you go home. The process may take several days. I’ll reach out to you then.”

                Alex nodded, staring down at the closed folder in his hands.

                “You never gave up on her. Thank you.”

                “No, Alex, it was _you_ who never gave up on her,” the older man corrected. “I only wish the outcome had been different.”

                They shared a final look before the Doctor disappeared down the hall. Releasing a deep breath, Alex finally looked up at the others.

                “Can we head home? I don’t want to be here right now.”

                “Of course,” Kyle nodded, leading them towards the main doors.

                “What can I do?” Michael whispered, walking beside Alex.

                “Nothing,” Alex shook his head, stepping out into the sunlight.

                Lifting his face up to the sky, he took a deep, calming breath before he made his way towards an empty bench in the front courtyard. Removing the letter from his pocket, he extended the paper towards Liz.

                “Will you read it out loud for me, please?”

                She smiled sadly and wiped her tears, sitting across from him with Isobel and Kyle. Michael sat with one leg on each side, facing Alex as he wrapped his arm around the other man.

                “My sweet boy,” Liz began.

                Isobel forced her face outwards to hide her tears as Alex lowered his gaze. Taking a deep breath, Liz started again.

                _“My sweet boy. My thoughts of you are the last I remember before my mind slipped away. You were the beacon of light in my life, the one thing I always cherished. I am so sorry,_ _sheʼashkii.”_

                She looked up, unsure of the word.

                “It’s sweetheart in Navajo,” Alex replied without lifting his gaze.

                _“_ _I am so sorry,_ _sheʼashkii,_ _that my absence has caused you so much pain. I am sorry that I was gone for so long and that I couldn't protect you from all that has happened. I wish I could have seen you grow and become the wonderful man I know you are today. I could hear everything you said when you would come visit me even though I couldn't reach out to take your hand. My heart breaks from all that you have been through, from what your father and brothers made you endure, from the bitter cruelties life has thrown your way. You always had such beauty in your heart, Alex. Such kindness and warmth. It hurts me to know your father and the realities of war stripped so much of your confidence away. But you have always been the strongest of us all. I know sometimes you can't see it. Sometimes the darkness looms too close overhead. But everything you have been through, the loss and heartache and pain, your strength has pulled you through and it will do so again.”_

                Alex bit his lower lip as a tear slipped down his cheek.

                _“You spoke to me about that boy Michael, about how much you loved him, how the only safeness you felt was when you were in his arms.”_

                Michael ran his fingers through Alex’s hair before rubbing his neck, swallowing the lump in his throat at the heaviness of the words.

                _“The only time you ever allowed your walls to come down, to let yourself feel weak, was in his embrace. Is he your soulmate, Alex?”_

                Alex squeezed his eyes shut as Michael pressed his lips against his cheek, whispering soothing words in his ear.

                _“If he treasures you the way you love him, don't let each other go. Don't let your father's hatred or the cruelty of the world poison the love that you share. Cherish it. Hold on to it with both hands. Stop lifting the weight of the world on your shoulders, alone. Let yourself be happy. Let yourself be loved. Let yourself feel safe.”_

                Lowering the letter, Liz reached out and pressed her hand over his. He opened his eyes and they shared a quiet moment before she began reading again.

                _“That day in the desert, I remember it all in a blur. It felt like a projection more than anything real. I felt the life drawing out of me until there was nothing but emptiness in its place. It pushed my mind to the darkest corner, waiting and praying for the day I'd be woken again, and because of you that day finally came. Your belief in me, your refusal to toss me aside like your father and brothers did is the reason I can write this to you now._ _Sheʼashkii,_ _I never knew love until I laid eyes on your face, the day they placed you in my arms for the first time. But I feel the darkness closing in. I feel it clawing to get inside again. Before I lose myself once more, I have to make the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I wish I could have been as strong as you, but my heart can no longer bear the weight. Please forgive the choice that I have made. I can’t let the darkness in again. I can’t let myself be your burden any longer than I've been.”_

                Alex wet his lips as his tears continued to fall. Michael held him even closer to stop the shake in his shoulders. He felt Kyle reach out to grip his arm across the table, his eyes carrying nothing but compassion.

                _“Before I leave you, I need you to know that your family does not end with your father, Alex. Find my side of your history. Your grandfather, your uncles and aunts. There are so many people who love you from a distance. My marriage to your father separated me from them but I ask of you now to seek them out and embrace them as your own. Let them see the beauty in your heart. Let them see the resilience of your spirit. You will understand what family truly is.”_

                 Taking a deep breath, Liz glanced her eyes over the final words before reading them aloud.

_“Please forgive me, my love, for leaving you this way but know that I go to a better place. My spirit will be with you, always. Ayóó aníínishní.”_

                 She lowered the letter and squeezed his hand again.

                 “That’s ‘I love you’,” he whispered.

                 Isobel turned back to face him, her eyes red from tears she had furiously wiped away. “I’m so sorry.”

                 “So am I,” he nodded before leaning against Michael’s chest, feeling the strong arms tighten around him. “I can’t believe she’s gone. All these years, all the different treatments. She finally got better only to do this. Should I have realized it sooner? That my dad had lied? That he had her in some torture chamber instead of somewhere safe?”

                 “It’s not your fault,” Michael exclaimed, lifting Alex to look into his eyes. “You never gave up on her. Your mother knew that.”

                  “And she still took her own life anyway,” he replied, shaking his head.

                  Pulling away and straightening, he wiped a hand across his eyes before opening the folder to flip through the papers inside. The first several drawings were of different sceneries that Alex ignored. The sixth was of a car tipped over in the desert.

                  “This must have been her accident,” he said, pushing the drawing onto the table for the others to see.

                  As he continued sifting through the sketches, he froze midway through the pile.

                  “What is it?” Liz asked, noticing his sudden change.

                  Alex slowly rose to his feet, quickly moving through the rest of the drawings as the same face stared back at him.

                  “The Sheriffs said she crashed outside Houston,” he spoke, staring at the final sketch before lifting his gaze. “They lied. She crashed outside Roswell. Oh my God.”

                  Michael quickly rose to his feet and grabbed the folder as Alex stumbled away from the bench. Lowering the papers to the table, Michael froze as Liz and Isobel gasped. Staring up at them was a sketch of Noah.

                  “No,” Isobel snapped as she flipped through the other sketches with shaky hands.

                  “Noah,” Alex said, the name foreign on his tongue as he grabbed the letter. “It felt like a projection more than anything real. I felt the life drawing out of me until there was nothing but emptiness in its place.”

                  “No, he was still in his pod fifteen years ago,” Michael exclaimed.

                  “Didn't you say he could take control of people even when he was inside his pod? Before he was able to fully heal himself?" Alex asked. "It felt like a projection? His face was projected to her through whoever he was possessing. He took control of someone, made them draw her life out of her but he wasn't strong enough back then. That's why she lived, isn't it?” 

                  “Alex, no,” Michael shook his head.

                  “Then explain those drawings!” he shouted. “She wasn’t in her right mind but she drew those in explicit detail. Explain that to me."

                  “Alex,” Michael pleaded as he reached for him.

                  “Fifteen years,” he said, pulling his hand out of reach. “Fifteen years and it was Noah this whole time. Maybe he could have fixed her!”

                  “I am so sorry,” Isobel cried, finally looking up at him.

                  Alex chuckled through his tears. “Why am I surprised, though? My father was responsible for Caulfield, for your family. Why wouldn’t one of yours be responsible for mine? If that’s not the universe trying to tell me something, I don’t know what is.”

                  “Alex, just tell me what to do,” Michael pleaded, grabbing his arms. “How do I fix this?”

                  “You can’t, Guerin,” he replied, the use of his last name making Michael’s heart break again. “Just like I can’t change what happened to yours.”

                  He slowly pulled himself away from Michael’s reach and took a step back.

                  “Please go home, all of you.”

                  “I’m not leaving you,” Michael whispered.

                  “You needed space from me after what happened at Caulfield. Give that to me now,” Alex said in a practiced voice, devoid of emotion. “Please go home. I need to be alone.”

                  “Let me stay with you at least,” Kyle offered quietly. “They can take the car home and I’ll stay with you. We can go back when you’re ready.”

                   Alex slowly shook his head.

                   “For so much of my life, I’ve felt alone. Right now, I need it to be that way again. Just go. All of you.”

                   Without waiting for a response, he turned around and walked back inside the hospital.

                  “Alex!” Michael called after him but Isobel grabbed his arm, holding him in place. “What the hell do I do? How do I fix this?”

                  “I don’t think you can,” Isobel whispered as he whirled around to face her. “I’m so sorry. How could I never see it? How could I never see who he really was?”

                  “None of us did,” Michael shook his head as another tear slipped down his cheek. “I can’t just leave him here. What do I do?”

                  “All of you head back. I’ll stay with him,” Kyle repeated.

                  “Kyle,” Liz started.

                  “No, you’re still grieving, Liz,” he cut her off. “You need to go home and right now, he can’t be around the two of you.”

                   Kyle glanced at Michael and Isobel before sighing.

                   “I promise I’ll take care of him but you guys need to go.”

                   Pushing his keys in Michael’s hands, Kyle turned to follow in the direction Alex had went. Michael came to follow when Liz grabbed his arm.

                   “Kyle’s right. Fair or not, an alien was responsible for what happened to his mother, for all those years of suffering she went through. For everything it cost Alex,” she reminded. “If he needs space, you have to give that to him.”

                   Sighing heavily, Liz gathered the folder and started making her way towards the car. Isobel covered her quivering lips with her hand and quickly followed. Michael stared back at the hospital for several seconds, his heart desperate to go inside and pull Alex back into his arms. But he knew his presence would be met with anger and bitterness. Releasing a helpless sigh, he let his legs carry him to the car before he climbed in.

                   Inside the hospital, Kyle walked past the reception nurses who pointed him towards the hallway. Moving through the doors, he stopped when he saw Alex sitting on the floor of the empty waiting room, the letter pressed against his face as he cried. Swallowing his own emotions, Kyle closed the distance and slowly lowered himself next to Alex. He sat there silently, unsure if any form of touch would be welcome. When Alex leaned over and pressed his face against Kyle's chest, Kyle felt the walls around his heart begin to waver. Holding his friend in a tight embrace, he leaned his cheek against Alex's head and listened to the gentle sobs.


	5. FIVE

*****

 

                “Michael, will you stop pacing?” Isobel pleaded, staring up at him from the couch where she and Liz were sitting.

                “It’s been five days and they haven’t come back yet. All Valenti keeps saying is ‘another day’,” Michael replied, going back and forth on the small carpet. “I shouldn’t have left him.”

                “Michael, you can’t change what happened,” Isobel started, sighing sadly. “Noah caused so much damage to so many people. All those innocent people he killed.”

                She turned to face Liz who met her gaze.

                “He killed Rosa,” she continued quietly. “She may be back now but that’s ten years her family suffered through and Max paid the ultimate price.”

                Both women reached out to hold hands, easing each other from the memory before Isobel faced Michael again.

                “What he did to Alex’s mother? I can’t even begin to apologize for that,” she said as Michael stopped pacing and moved to sit beside her. “She lost fifteen years of her life to madness. That letter she wrote him, it’s obvious that she was the only one in his family that cared. But what Noah did, all that pain he put her through to selfishly prolong his own twisted existence, she woke up for one day before she killed herself at the end. That’s not something we can even begin to understand much less expect Alex to forgive and forget.”

                “It’s not your fault,” Michael tried to assure her.

                “If it’s not mine, is it yours?” she asked. “Neither of us knew who he really was. We never even suspected it. Max didn’t either and for years, he was causing all this pain.”

                “It’s not your fault. Either of you,” Liz said with a heavy sigh. “Alex just needs some time to wrap his mind around what happened.”

                Before Michael could reply, the front door opened and an exhausted Kyle walked in.

                “You’re back,” Liz started when he reached them. “Where’s Alex?”

                “I just dropped him off at his place,” he said, lowering himself onto the empty lounger.

                “What happened?” Michael asked, his nervousness pushing through.

                “They did the autopsy, declared it as a suicide and registered the death certificate,” Kyle replied tiredly. “We hitched a ride with the transport as they brought the body home. He wanted to bury her right away.”

                “He had a funeral?” Liz asked, sitting up in her seat. “When? Why didn’t you call us?”

                “He arranged everything from Austin. We buried her this afternoon,” Kyle said, sighing at the surprised looks on their faces. “He didn’t want anyone there. I don’t even think he wanted me there but my presence didn’t really register to him. The Minister gave his sermon and her body was lowered at South Park Cemetery.”

                Swallowing hard, Michael cracked the tension from his knuckles.

                “How is he?”

                “Do you really want me to answer that?” Kyle replied before sighing again. “Guy had all these years of hope destroyed in a matter of minutes. If anyone can understand that, it’s you Guerin.”

                Michael looked down, the memory of Caulfield still too raw for him to keep a straight face.

                “You took him to the cabin?” Liz asked, rising to her feet. “We should go. I need to be there for him.”

                “I think maybe Guerin should go on his own,” Kyle suggested as all eyes landed on him. “He may try to push you away. In fact, knowing Alex, he probably will. But I think you’re the only one who may be able to get through to him right now. He’s not in a good place.”

                “Michael, just please go slow. Don’t overwhelm him,” Isobel pleaded but her words fell on deaf ears as Michael all but ran from the house.

                He was halfway towards the cabin before he realized his hands were shaking. Wrapping his fingers tight against the steering, he drove the rest of the way until he was parked outside the cabin. Hesitating outside the entrance, he took a deep calming breath before knocking on the door.

                “It’s open,” a faint voice sounded.

                Walking inside, he peered over to where Alex was sitting on the couch, a half empty bottle of whisky in his hand. Swallowing hard, Michael slowly made his way forward, his careful eyes taking in the disheveled appearance.

                “Alex?” he whispered the name, moving to stand in front of him.

                The soldier slowly lifted his dazed expression and blinked until his eyes focused.

                “What are you doing here?”

                Michael slowly lowered himself onto the coffee table, clasping his hands between his knees.

                “We just saw Kyle. He said you came back today. Why didn’t you call me?”

                “You don’t have a phone,” Alex replied, lifting the bottle to take another sip.

                “I meant, why didn’t you call Liz or Isobel or come over to her place?”

                “I wanted to be alone,” Alex shrugged, looking away.

                “I wish I had been with you when you buried…,” Michael started before swallowing his words. “You shouldn’t be alone, not right now.”

                “Why?” Alex demanded. “Isn’t that how you were?”

                “Alex…,” Michael started, reaching for the bottle but he yanked it away.

                “Why are you here, Guerin?”

                “I’m worried about you,” he spoke softly.

                “I’m fine,” Alex replied with a dry laugh. “I’m always fine.

                “Can you please give me the bottle?”

                “You can drown your misery in booze but I can’t?” Alex demanded. “I’m just taking a page out of your rulebook, Guerin.”

                Michael tried to reach for the bottle again but Alex spun around, his sudden movement sending him to the floor.

                “Don’t!” he shouted, pushing Michael’s hands away.

                Stumbling to his feet, he limped towards the kitchen and slammed the bottle onto the counter. Gripping the sides of the granite, he squeezed his eyes shut as a shudder moved down his spine. When he felt gentle hands reach for him, he flinched away.

                “Please don’t,” he pleaded, looking over his shoulder to see the hurt look in Michael’s eyes. “I need you to go.”

                “I’m not leaving you alone like this,” Michael whispered.

                Alex laughed in disbelief, whirling around to face him.

                “So certain rules apply to you but they don’t apply to me?” he snapped. “You can get drunk and ask for space but I can’t? Maybe I should go find a warm body to drown myself in for a while. Think that would help?”

                Michael felt the pain behind the words like a stab through his heart.

                “Maybe you were right, Guerin. Easy and uncomplicated, everything that you and I never were!” he shouted. “Maybe I should follow your lead and do that too!”

                Michael stayed silent, giving the other man the space he needed to lash out.

                “Why are you still here?” Alex demanded, pushing at Michael’s chest. “I told you to leave! Why won’t you go?”

                “Because I love you,” was all Michael could say.

                Alex felt his body start to tremble at the quiet confession.

                “How can you after what my father did? After all the times I walked away and broke your heart?” he cried. “How can I still care about you after what you did with Maria? After what your alien brother-in-law did to my mom?”

                His voice broke on the last word and he crumbled into himself. Before his shaking body could fall, Michael sprang forward and pulled him against his chest, wrapping his arms around him. Alex tried to weakly fight him off but Michael’s arms only tightened. Unable to hold himself together any longer, he let the sobs escape his throat, pressing his face against Michael’s chest. Michael closed his eyes, willing his own tears to stay hidden, to keep himself strong for the broken man he was holding.

                “It’ll be okay,” he whispered, lifting a hand to grip the back of Alex’s neck.

                They stayed that way for a few seconds, neither speaking until Alex finally pulled away. He stared into Michael’s eyes for a moment before limping back towards the couch. Grateful that he had left the bottle behind, Michael slowly followed and sat beside him.

                “I feel so lost,” Alex admitted, staring into thin air. “So much of what I did was for her. Enlisting, going to war, so much of that was for her…and for you. But none of it mattered in the end because I lost you both anyway.”

                “You haven’t lost me,” Michael said, turning on the couch to face him.

                “Haven’t I, though?” Alex asked, keeping his gaze to the wall. “We spent ten years apart from each other and the first time we reconnected, I let my fears guide me and walked away.”

                “All of that’s over now,” Michael reminded.

                “Then when I was ready and willing, you moved on to my best friend,” Alex continued as if Michael hadn’t spoken. “But what else could I have expected? For you to wait around forever? Why wouldn’t you go for her? She’s amazing and doesn’t come with all of this baggage.”

                “Alex, I made a mistake. The biggest mistake of my life,” he exclaimed. “I was confused and my mind was all over the place but it never had anything to do with how I felt about you because what I feel for you is the only real thing in my life. It has guided me for so long and I’m sorry for ever making you doubt it.”

                Alex sighed before he finally brought his gaze to meet Michael’s.

                “My father was responsible for Caulfield, for holding your mother and your people against their will and hurting them for years. He was responsible for putting a fail safe in place which led to every one of them dying,” Alex began, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Your crazy, dead brother-in-law was responsible for driving my mother insane. His actions led to her being institutionalized for fifteen years. That darkness made her take her own life. How do we get past all of that? I don’t think we can, Guerin.”

                Michael reached out to take his hand, lifting it to his mouth and pressing a kiss against the knuckles.

                “There may be too much damage this time,” Alex finished.

                “No,” Michael shook his head. “You and I, this connection between us, I’ve never been able to describe it much less understand it.”

                “Cosmic,” Alex repeated the word from weeks ago.

                “Yeah, cosmic,” Michael smiled through his wet eyes. “Do you blame _me_ for Noah? For not knowing who he really was? For his actions that led to all of this?”

                “No,” Alex admitted.

                “Then how could you ever think I’d blame you for what your father did?”

                “It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when I look at you,” Alex said, his sadness bleeding through. “Or that it doesn’t hurt you when you look at me. The reminder will always be there, even if the blame isn’t.”

                “Do you think what we have is worth us moving past this?” Michael asked, terrified at the response.

                Alex closed his eyes and took a deep breath, taking a moment to calm the wild beating beneath his ribcage. When he opened them again, a look of acceptance had settled in his eyes, one Michael had difficulty reading.

                “You matter to me, Guerin. More than anything. You know that,” he started. “But…”

                “No,” Michael shook his head again. “No ‘buts’, Alex. Not this time.”

                “Maybe we’re kidding ourselves, thinking we could make this work. There’s always _something_ that gets in the way.”

                “Maybe, but despite all the shit we’ve been through, those feelings have never gone away. Not ever,” Michael said before he placed his hand over Alex’s heart. “I belonged to you since that moment you offered me your father’s shed but I didn’t know it until our first kiss. I’ve tried numbing it, ignoring it, hating it, forcing myself to think of a future without you and none of it worked because every morning I wake up, you’re the first thing I think of and every night I close my eyes, you’re the last face I see. Your name is tattooed in my heart, Alex. Nothing and no one will ever remove it.”

                Alex released a shaky breath and bit his lower lip.

                “I love you,” Michael finally said, looking into Alex’s eyes and holding his gaze. “I love you like I have never loved anything or anyone else. All I’m asking is for you to take my hand. We don’t need to have all the answers right now. Just take my hand and I promise you we’ll get through this.”

                Alex stared down at the extended hand for a long time, giving his fears the chance to have power for those few, precious minutes. When he looked back up at the guarded but hopeful look in Michael’s eyes, he finally let those fears dim away. Instead of taking his hand, Alex moved until he was sitting on Michael’s lap, sliding his arms around his shoulders and pressing his face against his neck. Releasing a quiet sob in relief, Michael wrapped his arms around him once more, pressing kisses against any stretch of skin he could reach. When they finally leaned away, Michael grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him gently. Despite the intensity that always existed between them, they kept the kiss soft and chaste.

                “I love you too, Michael,” Alex whispered.

                The quiet admission and the use of his name made Michael smile brightly in a way Alex hadn’t seen in years.

                “I’m not letting go of you anymore. You know that, right? Now that you said those words?”

                Alex smiled and pressed a kiss to Michael’s cheek, another to his temple and a third to his lips. “I love you, always.”

                Swallowing the lump in his throat, Michael reached up to tenderly wipe the wetness from Alex’s cheeks. “I love you too.”

                They leaned their foreheads together, sharing a private smile between them when a loud noise alerted Alex towards his laptop.

                “What is that?” Michael asked, helping Alex move so he was beside him again.

                Reaching for his computer, Alex opened his screen and stared down at the coded program. He sifted through the data before scoffing.

                “I did it,” he said, surprised at himself.

                “What is it?” Michael asked, leaning in towards the screen.

                “There was a lot of raw data in the mainframe at my dad’s bunker. Stuff he had deleted but I’m smarter than him so I was able to retrieve a lot of it,” Alex replied before looking at Michael. “Noah’s dead so I can’t do anything about that. I can’t kill him again.”

                Michael nodded quietly, patiently waiting for Alex as he took a deep breath to continue.

                “But if there’s one person I hold equally to blame, it’s my dad,” he said, shaking his head bitterly. “Despite everything, I can’t exactly kill him. What I _can_ do is destroy him.”

                “What are you talking about?”

                “He’s gone radio silent for the past few days and that gives me an advantage,” he said, pointing towards his screen. “It took a while but I hacked through the raw data and found the location of a second facility.”

                “Another Caulfield?” Michael asked in surprise.

                “Everything points to that,” Alex nodded. “If I can’t kill my father, I’ll kill everything he’s worked his whole life on and hope that will be enough to destroy him. If not, I’ll make sure the military does.”

                “Alex,” Michael whispered, drawing his gaze back to him. “Are you sure?”

                “Yes,” he replied, his voice full of determination.

                Michael nodded and pulled him into another gentle kiss.

                “We stick together, though,” he said, leaning back. “No more walking away from either of us. This is it, right? You and me?”

                Alex smiled, leaning in to touch Michael’s face. “She would have really loved you, I think."

                Michael's gaze saddened as he watched him release a breath he had been holding.

               "No more walking away,” Alex finally agreed.

                They shared a tender smile before Alex turned back towards the screen again.

                “You should give the others a call. We’re going to Nevada.”


End file.
